BY JEANETTE MUSEMBI
It’s kind of funny how it takes time to get over our ex’s isn’t it? I mean it’s the same song everyday right until you start feeling ridiculous. If given a chance, what would be the first thing you would tell your ‘successor’, that is, the person who took your place when all things went haywire? Mine would be run b**ch, run! Don’t even ask- am sure I’d get equally cool answers on that. But come to think of it, is this the kind of mentality that usually makes us not heal from broken relationships?
Sometimes to get rid of the hurt is not to think about how such people are coping, but to concentrate on what is actually going on with you. How are YOU coping? Are YOU fine? Is everything okay? We tend to always focus on what we gave in the past relationship and why it didn’t work out, or how that other person ‘replacement’ might be better than you.
In real sense, we are only making this worse for ourselves. You get so engrossed in thinking about the negatives or what went wrong that you forget what actually made you a good and fun person to be around. You get bitter and go on a ‘heart-breaking rampage’ but deep down you know you’re only hurting yourself. Truth is- you’ll never move on with all that hurt.
The cold reality any broken relationship is the fact that it wasn’t meant to be. Most of the time it’s not anybody’s fault. Just how stuff turned out. I also believe if it’s a cheating spouse that made you split up, it was a bad thing yes, but also a good thing because now it gave you a second chance to find ‘true’ love. So don’t lock any ill feelings of revenge in the heart in hopes of making the culprit guilty. Some also go the extra mile to date someone they don’t really have feelings for just to show that they’ve moved on and are quite content, which is actually never the case. Unfortunately, this never ends well because you end up making the situation even worse for everybody.
What’s the solution? Don’t move on until you’ve accepted reality and reconciled with your heart. Examine what can make you a better and stronger person instead of weak and insecure. Sometimes you cannot force love on anybody, even if the people they chose over you are the devil themselves- that is usually the case. Usually they are either playboys or utter and complete b**ches, (talk about irony, I just never understood how that works). Wondering and asking why they never stuck with you is a lost cause. Instead, concentrate on how you can make yourself happy, believe that you can make someone else happy. You sort of heal faster, trust me.
Then again on the downside, what actually makes you believe you were the right person for them? I have seen people date for over 5 years and still break up, painful as hell yes, but then they date someone else for just under a year and they fall madly in love, asking themselves why they took so long. Lesson here being that in life there are no rules. So stop being miserable because the next door you turn will be your greatest. There is happiness in tragedy, freshness in letting go and moving on. But you’ve got to be true to yourself and make sure that your heart is rid of all remorse and bitterness. Let them be. Be ‘happy’ for them as well (not the smiling and waving) but just the contentment that they have found their ‘match’. It might be the hardest thing you’ve had to do but it works. Letting go works.
Here is the upside though; these people actually come to their senses. Maybe you will have already moved on? Maybe not… tread carefully; you don’t want a repeat of the past. Second chances are usually good but make sure you don’t get hurt again. Don’t allow yourself to be fooled and abused.
Here lies the greatest test of them all. Mine is to tell you to let your instincts decide. Lame but true, you know that feeling deep down that tells you whether it feels right or wrong? That one. Follow it. Alternatively, don’t make it easy for them, if they have to get the prize, they better damn well work and sweat for it as well! If they don’t, the door is always open, they can let themselves out.
For more articles from the author check out her blog http://gnet.blog.com/ .