The art of kissing

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The Suction Cup

If you watch any sort of TV or frequently come across bill boards then you should have figured out by now that lips are meant to be soft and supple and just a little pouty. Remarkably, as a kissing partner, you are not necessarily required make them so. Which is why sucking the lips to the point here they are getting distended is not the way to go when kissing. Try not to treat your partner’s lower (or upper) lip as you would a Sippy cup. No one wants “longer” lips and it is also quite uncomfortable bordering on painful – the bad kind of painful.

The Gapping Fish

I saw this happen the other day at a function and while it was tragically entertaining, I felt very sorry for both partners. It is gross and highly misinformed of you to try and take both lips of your partner into yours. Not only do you look ridiculously like a cartoon fish but it moots the whole pint of kissing. What, pray tell, is your poor partner supposed to do when you have trapped their mouth using yours? It also makes breathing very hard because during kissing, a lot of inhaling and exhaling is done through the mouth.

The Electric Eel

Know what to do once you enter into the murky waters of tonguing. A tantalizing touch and light duel is fine. What is not okay though is behaving like you have a craving for tonsils and a tongue like an electric eel. No one likes a tonsillectomy so here’s a tip; a human tongue is approximately 4 inches long, never use more than an inch and a half of it. Any more than than and you have crossed the line into the field of assault with a deadly weapon.

 

 

 

 

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5 Comments

  1. Avatar Nana January 1st, 1970 at 12:00 am

    Hahahahahaha! I'm dead at the "gapping fish". Nice.

    Reply
  2. Avatar Paw paw January 1st, 1970 at 12:00 am

    Oooook……so, what is the best way to kiss then? You are only talking of the bad ones…and claiming to be the master of kissing. Give us your secret.

    Reply
  3. Avatar Anonymous January 1st, 1970 at 12:00 am

    ur ryt kissin can mek sam 1 long 4 mo or it can piss u off completely

    Reply
  4. Avatar b.o.b.i October 11th, 2013 at 7:10 pm

    haha..

    Reply
  5. Avatar #DONGE! ® October 15th, 2013 at 5:37 pm

    Hi Hi

    Reply

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