Creating an honest, truthful relationship

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When we work with couples and encourage them to make a solid commitment to the truth, they often say things like, ”Well I’m afraid to tell her what I really feel… she might leave me” or ”If he knew that I had done that, he’ll hate me forever, so I can’t tell him” or ”If she knew that I wanted to do X, Y and Z sexually, she’d think I was sick.” At the core, it’s always a fear that the truth will not set you free but will unleash a torrent of anger or rejection. But if your relationship cannot handle the truth, then what do you have anyway? If you and your partner are merely colluding with each other to stay in safe territory and avoid difficult issues, then you are settling for much less than what your call to love has invited you to experience.

Commitment to the truth can be uncomfortable and scary at times, but it is also the surest path to ongoing growth and deepening connection available to conscious relationship partners. We encourage everyone to make that commitment and pass it on through words and deeds to your children. If you have struggled with this in the past, be honest about that. And take steps to understand why you might have been less than honest. What healing needs to take place within you so that you no longer need to hide or appear different than who you really are? And remember, the commitment to the truth is not a commitment to always talking about something negative! The truth can be how grateful you feel to be in this relationship or how wonderful it feels to be with someone who shares your vision of an intimate relationship.

We are all capable of greater acts of love and truth than we may believe. We are all capable of being more honest, more clear, more loving, more unselfish. By honoring the original vision that called us to love at this time, we can commit to the truth of what we are experiencing and commit to communicating it to our partners on a regular basis. That is the process that truly will set you and your partner free – to experience the deepest and highest connection possible.

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