Why does she hate receiving compliments?


This morning, my colleague wore something fashionable, and I thought she looked great – so I told her so.

“You look nice and eissssh!

It was a simple compliment designed to make her feel good.  And, I even followed it up with that look, the you-can-get-it-look, but her response seemed less than happy.

“Oh, no, I didn’t wash my hair,” she noted.  “It’s just a cardigan…nothing special.”

Another day, I had coffee with an old friend.  I hadn’t seen her in a while, and I thought she looked radiant – so I told her so.

She patted her belly and asked me if she was shining with oil, and claimed it must be all that oily food she was eating recently.

“The top is from the market…it makes me look fat doesn’t it?”

And so began another session.  Since when did giving compliments become so hard?

It’s the same every time: You look beautiful.  I’m in a funk.  Great shoes.  They’re knock-offs.  You’re such a great cook!  Really?  Anyone could’ve made that.

If you’re a man trying to give a woman a compliment, it gets harder.  The woman often will wonder why you gave the compliment in the first place – are you guilty of something?  What do you really want?

How dare you tell me I’m beautiful!

It seems that we have become a neurotic generation.  When someone says something nice to us, most of us, not all of us, will gravitate to suspicions of whether one is feeling sorry, lying or trying to ultimately get something from us.

Why do most dodge compliments?

Does receiving a compliment go against our need to be modest and humble, or at least appear to be?  Does accepting a compliment mean we are arrogant?

Is this a male or female problem?

Men find it odd that most women can’t take compliments.  Perhaps women are naturally more self-critical and suffer from self-esteem issues.  As for men, a compliment soothes their egos and exaggerated sense of themselves.  Give a compliment to a man, he’ll probably agree with you without a fight.

When a man dishes a compliment to a woman, and she puts up a fight, what is he suppose to say to that?

“I told her she looked phenomenal in that red dress…then she tells me to warn her if she looks fat in it or too tight.  What am I suppose to say to that?”

Or perhaps, dare I say it, women actually love receiving compliments.  Maybe this compliment-dodging is just a game for people to up their last compliment.

It’s simple really, people have forgotten that if someone gives you a compliment, and you receive it happily, that will in turn make them happy?

It’s not that hard to make people happy you know…just have an open heart and be ready to receive and give.

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