What is ‘Dating’ and why do we ‘Date’?

(By KEN OUKO) What is dating?  

Whereas women-folk have always tried to be more decent and discreet about it, the concept of dating has been abused and polluted by men-folk to the point where it now literally means “the pursuit of sex”.  Arriving at a standard definition of dating has always proved intellectually elusive, since it holds numerous and varying meanings to many different people… but one may get away with the reference to dating as the casual process via which two or more persons, usually (but not necessarily) of opposite gender consensually agreeing to meet regularly in pursuit of dualistic psycho-social balance.

Psychologists claim that to date is to willfully submit one’s mind and spirit (and hopefully body at a later or immediate time) to the exploratory whims of another person, in whom we feign genuine or fleetingly deceptive romantic or lustful interest. Regardless of the source or category of interest, what remains constant is that we only embrace the ideals of dating when we encounter the abstract need for another person. For the majority, this need is often shrouded in petals of lustful desire and cloaked in pretentious interactive self-sacrifice whereupon one of the date-mates is meant to believe that the other is exclusively and wholesomely available to them.

Why do we date?   

Unsurprisingly, men and women have totally divergent justifications for participating in the dating game.

 Men date principally to reinforce their overrated sense of masculine posturing, that drives them into seeking date mates mainly for the twisted purpose of complementing their need for dualistic existence, however counterfeit the dynamics of such dualism may be.

 For the man, dating comes packaged with unfettered sexual access to the female date-mate who, in his mind, might as well pass for a ‘bed-mate’, as and when necessary. In terms of dating, men have strategically elected not to benefit from evolution. During dating, the ultra-suave modern man is as cave-man in his elemental interpretation of his woman’s role as the traditional man was authentic in his inability to disguise raw lust with gifted negotiation or persuasion for sex.


 To the typical man, dating is a trophy hunt. The three Cs (captivate, capture and conquer) have always dominated the male domain in relation to dating. As soon as they have achieved the three Cs with a woman of no less than ‘Miss Kenya’ standard will they go applying the three Cs to another of no more than ‘Miss House-help’ standard!   

 On the contrary, women date for more quality-related reasons. While for men, the twin biggest lies of dating are “I love you” and “You are the only one”; to women, the single most upheld truth of dating is “I am all yours”. It is amazing how despite equal access to the pollutants of dating, women still amazingly strive to make genuine-hearted investment into the dating bank. 

 A woman will step into the dating arena not because she feels available, but because she honestly feels ‘ready’ to date and to give affection. One of the things that continue to baffle me about men, even now, is their claim of being forever ready, whenever they sniff out an opportunity.

 Women date to actualize their sense of feminine loyalty. Men date to enhance their sense of masculine adventurism. At the onset, women will begin dating on the basis of experimental possibilities, while men will initially begin dating purely on the basis of physical attraction.

 Look out next for “The stages of dating” and how they influence the success or failure of the dating process…






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