I saw a random quote the other day on a friend’s Facebook status that went something like: “Little girls fall for looks and swag. Basic girls fall for the money. Grown up girls fall for stability and security.”  I actually thought about it, and it did make a lot of sense to me.

As a young lady born and bred in Nairobi and in her “early” late 20’s I can attest to the above being true. Through my experiences I can freely tell you that I have studied men and their behaviors for quite some time.  I started dating seriously when I was nineteen. I have dated men my age, men slightly older than me, men quite older than me, rich men, average men, smart men, hardworking men, lazy men and real hustlers. Come to think of it though, I’ve only seriously dated four men so feel free to distribute the aforementioned men’s traits among the four men I’ve dated.

Because of my four serious experiences I can easily tell you that I noticed that men mature with age while women (I’m speaking for myself and my experiences) grow wiser with age. And yes, age is always the determining factor as it has a lot to do with everything… especially the way people reason.

I have seen –and still see- girls throw themselves at men who they consider hot and full of swag and in turn these cute men end up treating them badly because according to them they are the “lookers” and the girl is the one who went fishing. Such men will look at things like; you brought yourself and forced things hence all the work should be upon you.    Those who fall for swag and looks end up miserable as looks and swag is all that will feature in the relationship. Such men will never put any effort to the relationship so in the end, apart from being miserable you end up with just looks and swag  which can neither feed nor clothe you plus you get to be treated like you don’t really matter.

Throwing yourself at a guy is never the best thing to do. Throwing yourself at a guy who isn’t into you and to make things worse, you are doing it for the purposes of looks and swag will put you in one endless roller coaster ride that will constantly leave you in a dark place like a little girl who can’t fend for herself in life.

Women who are only money minded also end up in the dumps as instead of a blissful, healthy relationship, they find themselves in a place where they constantly have to be dependent on somebody else to the point that it affects every other aspect of their lives which makes moving on in life for them pretty difficult. It all starts well until you realize that you are the one suffering. Since you are in it for the money, you sort of stop thinking about how you get treated. You are never sure of where Mr. Money bags is. You are always doubtful as you know there are other women out there who are just like you who will fall for your man the same way you did because of the money.  You are always wondering who he is with and what he’s up to. All those business trips he takes, who he travels with, who he meets up with? What he does with his money, how many young girls he has tried to impress by buying them cars and taking them to expensive exotic trips… Life just passes you by because you never took the time to learn how to provide for yourself because you always knew that Mr. Money bags will always take care of you and your needs and you got comfortable. But you will never be at peace in your relationship as everything about you becomes just Basic!

Women in the last category (those who look for stability and security) know what they want, how they want it and when they want it. They plan, they work, and they have been there and have done that and therefore are settled in their minds. They don’t just jump into things without thinking them through. They have gone through the phases of falling for the cute, broke guy, to the ugly guy with tons of cash to the average looking guy with an average wallet.

For taking time to understand life and its processes you get rewarded with some peace of mind. You get rewarded with a bearable life in which you have a say in whatever it is that concerns you. You have a say in how you control your finances, you have a say in how you do everything in your house and you have a say in your relationship and best of all in your life. When you are stable in your own life you will think of others and even assist in helping to build them to become better people. You are a grown up!

So, do I think settling down with a woman who looks for a stable, secure life, knows how things work, knows how relationships work is the ideal thing to do. I sure do think so. Is the subject of men and maturity, women and wisdom valid? I give you a resounding YES!

So, as a woman what do you think? and where do you fall? Are you a Little girl, a Basic girl, or a Grown up girl?