Dumped for not going Dutch!


I am a huge fan of the Capital Lifestyle Sex and Relationship column and especially articles that have to do with real life experiences of readers seeking help and advice from other readers. I sure hope I can get some help too. I recently read two articles that were both on first dates. One was on 6 topics not to touch on the first date and 10 rules on what not to do on the first date! ladies… Well, both articles tackled how to behave and things not to say or do if you want a second date. Of course by now you’ve figured out that my issue has to do with dating!!

Well, in the past month I went on a first, second and even a third date with this amazing guy that I had seen as a long term relationship potential. However on that third date everything turned messy and I have to report that I won’t be seeing him again.

On this unforgettable third date this guy decided to dramatize for me a good one. I admit I was like ten minutes late that evening as my car had also decided to dramatize for me and I was very apologetic to him about that. When I got to the restaurant in Westlands (forget that I live far off in Karen) I found the guy fuming so hard he had smoke coming out of his ears. First he lectured me like a child on lateness (I swear it felt like I was in Primary School at the Headmasters office for a bad crime I had committed all over again). Then came my sentence that came as an interesting punishment which was that we would have to split the bill into two. Yes! I had to pay for my food and drinks because I was 10 minutes late!

I really thought he was joking because after issuing the sentence, he became his usual warm self again and in my head I was also thinking “…it’s a date and no splitting of bills should be done unless I want to volunteer to chip in. Plus splitting the bill with a woman on those crucial first dates just sounds wrong!!!!”
So our meal was served and with it came two bottles of house wine and everything went well. He had a peculiar smile on his face the whole time though.
When it came time to pay the bill all hell broke loose! I sort of had forgotten about the whole going Dutch thing as I didn’t have any money left on me anyway. He refused to pay the whole bill and only put on the table his half of the bill minus tip! -I was supposed to take care of that as well. I had spent all the money I had on me that day on fixing my tyres on my way to that dreadful date and forgot to get some money from the ATM. I explained that to him and asked him to foot the whole bill and that I’d give him back whatever “I owed” as soon as I withdrew some money. He became so livid, and raised his voice at me calling me all sorts of gold digger names. He then chucked some money from his wallet and threw it on the table then left off in a huff!

I have never been so embarrassed in my life like I was on that date. I took my time, finished my wine then went straight to the ATM got some money and sent it to him. I didn’t hear from him for a while until the other day when he called to apologize and asked if he could make it up to me. I am not the forgiving type and I really don’t think his behavior that evening that left me red faced deserves forgiveness. Besides, I’m still not sure what I am more pissed about. Him being an idiot and not being a gentleman (on the third date) and asking me to split the bill? Or him shouting at me like a child and embarrassing me!? I’m thinking both! What do you think?


  • Get out fast!

  • carol

    he is not a gentleman, heis very insensitive and mean, he doesnt deserve a second chance, thats only 3rd date what of he was dating you or married you? how would he behave??? thats one of his traits maybe 20% what of his 80%. if i was you, i would never ever communicate with him.

  • Marklepirei

    Stick to your kind.

  • Tets3000

    Stick to your kind. 

  • Kmw

    Am thinking he is the most pathetic baffoon I have ever heard off, there is day my brother did that to me and we were together with the wife..a person who I had known all my life,,that made me see him in a new light and I have never accepted those kind of treats again…that was so immature of him.

  • OneTwoCheck

    high expectations eh?  It is indeed silly of the guy to make a ruckus for the lateness especially if you apologized.

    But I thought that even if the chic expects the guy to foot the whole bill  it is prudent she still has to have some money on her for the “just incase” issues?  How do you just go on a date without any money?

    I’m sure if the guy if the guy forgot his wallet at home it would be a tottaly different case.

    Anyway I think going dutch is OK for those no strings attached dates

  • ABC

    The way he went about the whole thing..WRONG! but shame on you for not even expecting to pay for your bit! What with equality and the like that you women are always going on about!

  • Typical mentality of Kenyan chics expecting to be bought into love.. lol. Seriously no man should pay anything for you unless he was your partner and these are discussions you have had before. Always paying your part of the bill frees you from emotional shackles where you can ignore a mans call without feeling guilty.

    It also goes  to prove to the man that you love him genuinely and are not spending time with him for the freebies. Ask any man, a woman that foots a bill is a keeper.

    • The fact that he refused to pay for her meal as ‘punishment’ for her being 10mins late, meant that he had expected to pay for dinner all along. 

      What we don’t know from this story is whether he had initially offered to ‘buy’ dinner, or whether she would have offered to pay her part if she had the money on her. 

      In my opinion though, if a man is courting a lady and asks her out, she should be prepared for any eventuality, but the man should pay. And if she offers to pay, yes, perhaps that makes her a keeper, but he should decline. If they’re just going out as friends, nothing certain, then by all means, there should be no question about it. She should definitely pay.

      Just like men are checking out the quality of a woman on those crucial first dates, you have to realise that women are also checking out the quality of the man. If the man cannot provide the meal even as he’s trying to ‘get the girl’, then how can she rely on him to provide anything in their future. And we all know the qualities that each gender looks for.

      And after all, equality or no equality, what kind of man would be proud NOT providing? (Although there are a few of those out there who have no qualms about having their way paid by their woman) If this ‘equality’ of yours means that men stop being gentlemen and ladies stop acting like ladies, then is it even of any good? 

      My 2 cents… I always thought ‘gender equality’ was about the equality of rights – property, equal pay, equal opportunities etc. But if ‘men of today’ want to hide behind the terminology so that they can act like brutes, then… then… then… just leave me out of it!

      • Oh. Also… Hi Arnold!

        • Chivalry is dead Shiro.. The men of today do not know how to be men.. Being a man meant giving up your last 20 shilling to put a smile on your dates face even if you walked home coz that was your matatu fare….

          ** Hi Shiro.. 8 Months later. 🙂

      • Maureen Ojunga

        Shiro you couldn’t have put it any better! 🙂 I agree fully!!!

  • Winnie W Lyons

    Hell No. This is just the beginning. It will get worse. You are lucky you got to this side of him on the third date. For some it takes years before seeing and acknowledging the red flags.

    Run gal

  • Tukevo

    Woi all i can say is pole… this is a true case of how not to behave as a guy…I think the moment you arrived and lectured like a primary school child that was the time of filght…I just hope as you got late you were informing him that you would be getting late if not…there was a problem there as well…

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