Why I wouldn’t mind a co-wife…

(Wangui Gitei) – One of the biggest stories this weekend was of course South African president Jacob Zuma’s intended nuptials to wifey number four. This is actually his 6th marriage, as one naughty wife was divorced and another committed suicide (we can only speculate why). Zuma is, of course, a confessed polygamist, which means that he has the license to marry as many women and sire as many children as South Africa’s national budget can afford.

I ain’t mad at the dude for his serial wifing. I am mad at his serial philandering which he is also famous for (no matter how many wives you have, you still should be faithful to them).

The one thing our favourite Zulu dancer has done that irked me to no end was when, in 2006, he was acquitted of rape charges but admitted he had consensual sex with a H.I.V positive family friend. He then proceeded to say (in court, no less ) that he had a shower afterwards to protect himself against infection. In a continent ravaged by HIV/AIDS, the carelessness of that statement cannot be overemphasized.

Anyhoo, I know there are men who wish they could go back to the good old days when one wife was never enough. What they don’t realize is that many women kinda want to go back to those days as well. Think about it.

Even in our so called uber modern 2012, a progressive woman will still end up cooking and cleaning and taking care of a man’s needs. That’s just how it works. And let’s face it ladies, there is no relationship that will survive when a woman is not submissive. Two alphas will never make a successful relationship; you have to know when to be a boss lady and when to leave your boss status at the door when you get home.

Which is why being a co-wife would be so damn convenient. There are nights you come home dog-tired and the other wife has made a delicious, hot meal, your clothes (and his) are clean and ironed and your kids are clean and fed. So you sigh and put your feet up, guy style.

And then there are days you’re just not in the mood (and really, why is it a man only ever wants a blow job when you’re the most tired?) and can’t even be bothered to grunt and porn-sigh until he’s done (roll your eyes all you want, everyone does it) -your co-wife will gladly take over; in high heels, negligee and all that jazz.

Then there are those Sunday afternoons you have to endure a football match when you would much rather be anywhere else in the world. Co-wife, who is a sports junkie, will gladly cheer, jeer and burp beer while you sip cocktails at a poolside somewhere. And that means you can have as many girls’ night outs as possible, guilt-free.

I’m sure polygamous marriages work in a different way. But the fact is, being in a monogamous relationship means being different people for the same person – their friend, their lover, their wife, their mistress, etc.

And there are days you don’t want to play every role, hence the attractiveness of a co-wife. This is why relationships are hard work. They’re worth it, but you have to put in the time and the effort.

So don’t feel bad for Zuma’s wives. The latest, Nkandla, had her house renovated for eight million dollars and is as comfortable as they come. And since she will probably only see her husband about once a week, she has all the time to be the perfect wife, lover and friend, because she has the other six days off. Don’t get me wrong – I don’t share. But there are some days I wonder, just wonder, how awfully convenient it would be to have a co-wife.

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