I have a very good, loving husband who I have been married to for five long years now. We have had a pretty good seven year relationship so far and together we created the most beautiful daughter who is now four years old.
It sounds like a match made in heaven right? It is anything but! There’s a huge problem in our marriage that I haven’t been able to sort in the last four years despite racking the very interior of my brains and I’ve run out of ideas to try to sort it out hence this letter to Capital Lifestyle. I haven’t had sex with my husband in the last 4 years! Yes… since I gave birth to our daughter.
My husband went off me completely and he won’t even touch me in that way. As much as I try to make moves on him to get him to make love to me… he will just not go there.
The worst part is that he has refused to offer any explanations as to why he went off me. But sure as hell I know he doesn’t sleep around and he is not involved with anyone else.
For the longest time I was sure he was gay and was just using our marriage to remain in the closet until it was safe to come out but it turns out he is not.
See, I am now 27 years old and my plan was to have three children before I turned 30 but that seems like a dream that will never happen…unless I think of other alternatives.
I tried to seek help from everyone I could trust with my problem and also tried to find out what was happening and if I was indeed the problem. I even went to his family and talked to his mother and sister for a possible divine intervention but no one could help me until recently when my hubby’s best friend returned to the country. When I shared my worries with him or is it problems…? He was very supportive and promised to help me find out what’s up.
The finding was horrific! Apparently, it had something to do with the birth of our daughter!!
See, my daughter’s delivery was very difficult. I was in labor for the longest time and she had refused to come out. I had to push, huff and puff for what seemed like forever (TMI I know) and she would still not come out until it became dangerous…a do or die kind of situation as lots of blood was lost .
It reached a point where it was either we lose me, or our daughter, or both of us. It was all up to the doctors or my daughter (she is a fighter that one) and I to put up a fight for our dear lives and the doctors tried very hard to at least keep one of us in this world. I’m glad to report that we are both alive and kicking (otherwise I wouldn’t be writing this 🙂 ).
My husband was traumatized during that whole birth experience and the thought of losing me or the baby just didn’t go very well with him and up to date, the images he saw, the doctor announcing the terrible news about saving one of us… just haunts him to date.
The no sex came as a result of that difficult birth because in his head the thought of me getting preggers again and having to go through that dreadful experience and maybe not getting lucky the next time around tears him into pieces. He vowed never to get anyone pregnant…ever! but he just won’t share that info with me.
I have since rested easy since the findings but at the same time I still have a right to conjugal rights with my husband right? I have tried to convince him to talk to someone if not me about what could be bugging him…a psychologist or someone but he keeps telling me he’s just not ready yet and whenever he will be ready I will be the first to know.
There’s something called patience which I am very fast running out of! I’m thinking I want another baby soon and I have only three options.
#To adopt
#To walk out on my marriage and find someone else before it’s too late
#To bear with the current sexless marriage situation for the rest of my life!
HELP??