‘Frienemies’…do you have one of these?

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My name is *Solange and my issue could be put in the petty category by many…but it is an issue all the same. See, I have a BFF like any other normal person. Mine happens to be this gorgeous woman called *Maria. We have been besties for about 7 years now but I always feel like something is quite not right.

*Maria and I are quite similar in most ways. We are the same age (she is older by a couple of months) .We love movies. We are into the same things like fashion and beauty (We’d both die for shoes, and dresses and bags and sunglasses- I’m just kidding…but we are totally into fashion!). We have the same style…or so I thought. We have the same shoe size. We are both size 8-10. We love the finer things in life and even our cars are similar…only the color and number plates are different.

Seems like a perfect relationship right? Here comes the problem. I believe I am the trendsetter and the go-getter. I have my own distinct taste that I rarely let get influenced by other people. I am the more creative one and I always follow through with everything I set to do. I work hard and I don’t slack on my duties. I have a beautiful house and I can afford my lifestyle…in short I provide for myself and Maria doesn’t! That is only the first problem.

I used to find it rather flattering that Maria adored my style and felt the need to alter hers so that we can be similar. Everything I get, she has to get a better one. For instance our cars…mine is a plain silver blah blah, year 2004 while hers is a black blah blah year 2008 that was imported for her. She always feels the need to outdo me.

Maria’s job is well, just a job… It doesn’t pay well. She never went to college but she is a very smart girl. Fittingly, she has men who do everything for her since she insists on keeping up with my pace.
Sometimes she borrows my stuff, which sometimes look better on her and I can’t help but feel a bit green eyed. Sometimes she ruins the stuff she has borrowed and just gives a simple apology and then ignores everything. She is constantly borrowing my jewellery and shoes and clothes and bags and sometimes forgets to return them or if she likes something too much she pretends to have forgotten borrowing it in the hope that I will forget about it.

I have a very serious boyfriend, and our relationship is going quite well. Maria says I’m the luckiest girl alive because of how the boy treats me. Recently a mutual friend told me to take care about involving Maria too much in my love life. Apparently she was out saying things that would imply that my relationship with the boy is short-lived.

I feel that my relationship with Maria is very confusing and laced with unnecessary competition. We are indeed “frienemies”. I don’t mind her copy cat ways as such but sometimes it’s too much and annoying. Did I mention that I’m the one constantly picking the tab when we go out together? Just because I earn more money? This I find rather unfair as she never touches her money because she enjoys everything done for her. If I confront her about it I’m sure everything will just go downhill.

While we love each other dearly and have that special bond, our relationship is rather unhealthy and toxic. We run to each other with good and bad news hoping to celebrate or console each other. We share so much that we get cramps at the same time (TMI I know) but at the same time, I wish we were not in each other’s lives.

Which brings me to ask…are there genuine female friendships? Do you know of any two women who are not family and would die for one another? Two women friends who are genuinely happy for each other? Who would be there at each others side to cry and laugh sincerely without pretending? I’m asking this because I don’t think such friendships exist…women are just built that way

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  • Jakygatia

    Yes there are,
    because i have such a friend who i would definately die for and i believe she would too (i have seen how well she takes care of me when i got a problem)
    but unfortunately you can never really know your friends untill you have a real problem

  • Quiffoulou

    Yes there are, i known my best friend since i’m alive, she is a sister to me, but we are different, we complete each other quite well. I thing that your problem can be that your friend and you are the same, love the same things, my friend and I are partner in life. I believe that friendship is like love it grows or not with time, wish you the best with your friend

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