Help: He doesn’t want to have sex anymore


Here’s the situation: I moved back to Kenya for my big love – the one I’ve been missing for the last 5 years ever since I made the move to the States for college. The first 6 months were amazing, we clicked as if we had never left each others sides and even with sex, we clicked. Now, I don’t know what’s happened…we haven’t had sex at all for months! My boyfriend says he’s busy with work and goes to the gym all the time. He hasn’t been once in the last year. I keep running into inconsistencies in his stories. He comes home from work and just disappears in his laptop. He doesn’t call me anymore when he works late. We don’t even discuss our grocery list. What do you guys think?

Dear Capital Lifestyle Reader:

I wonder why did the first 6 months go so well, and what is the difference between then and now? If you can find out the answers to that loaded question, you may just realize whether it’s worth the work to spark the relationship again, or whether it’s time to move on.

Some readers may be quick to judge and say, “Your boyfriend is probably seeing someone else.”

However, unless you encourage your boyfriend to talk, you’ll never know what’s really going on in his head. You need to encourage your boyfriend to tell you how he sees things – in the present and in the future. Where is your relationship going? Where does he stand?

It’s easy to simply pick apart his many excuses, stories and inconsistencies; but now is not the time to play the blame game. Tell him how you feel, where you stand, and what your needs are. Don’t demand, command with how you deal with the situation.

Undoubtedly, with the years apart, you may have grown apart. Talk it through and try and find new ways to relate with each other. And, if you can’t find it in you to stick around, then leave!

What do you guys think? Leave your suggestions for our reader below!


  • 6 months ….hmmm maybe he got bored and wants a break !!

  • Sulei

    He goes to the gym and doesn’t ask you if you would want to accompany him……No more baby what do you wanna do today or can i take you for shopping. Its the least of things that caught s the interest of a lady, so is  to men apart from having great sex there has to be somethings that keep two people together……Gal it was great for him to be with you but to him he thought that things would change and be good other than sex, for me he still find u somehow attractive but at the same time he doesn’t find u anymore attractive….If u still want to keep him stop complaining about the sex and try find some activities that he enjoys and you might enjoy and do them together but for the time been postpone sex……Good luck

  • Want the truth? he took you for a test drive then realized he may not want to spend the rest of his life with you. That’s the problem when you release ‘the goods’ before the intentions of a relationship can be tested. You shouldn’t rush to physical intimacy until you know he’s gonna stay committed to you no matter what. I highly advocate for sex within marriage…with an equally serious and committed partner, otherwise what’s gonna happen when one of you is ill and in hospital for a length of time (read no sex). Marital commitment will take you where the hot passionate sex won’t! Besides, he really has no obligation right now to stick it out with you….especially if he doesn’t think the sex is as good. Sex is not everything!

    This is one relationship you don’t want to be in – poor communication is a pointer of graver things to come.

    My Take

    I think the sermons at Mavuno on Finders Keepers should shed light on this:

    There are videos there that could prove insightful. have a listen.

  • Bob

    Relationships are tricky and unless u speak abt some issues, it may be hard to understand. One thing that women should also understand is that its not all abt sex, sex comes as an end result. For example, if the two of you are able to talk, share what the day was like, how u feel abt the other then you will find sex coming in. In the situation above, the lady should not conclude the guy is seeing someone but should look for the best opportunity/time and place to have a chat with this guy even if it means her organizing for a suprise dinner for him at a quite place and make him understand what she feels. U also need to understand that peple are different, there are those who dont like talking abt stuff so u must be careful may be he is one of them and if he is, then u need to give hime time, something may be bothering him. This can either be work related or somewomen there which he may not be willing to discuss.

    All the best

  • Maybe you guys were so intense in those 6 months that he feels like he neglected the rest of his life, and he’s now trying to catch up. Just give him some space, while keeping the communication lines open. 

  • It seems you guys are living together. I suggest you live apart for a while and see what happens.

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