Unlike so many girls, I wanted a light guy, I am not so dark myself and so I thought it would be a good compliment to have a light dude for a husband as well. Today I pulled out my 2005 journal and I was amazed at the things that were in there. I had been in campus for about six months and I was laying down my goals, plans and wishes.
Why I want to get married?
*To have a friend who is always there
*To have children- guess I did not have the confidence to write that I wanted legal sex, can’t have children without it, I figured.
*To prove that marriage works- feel like explaining this point, you see, when I was growing up, most of the families we interacted with had huge issues. Almost 90% of those issues had to do with; the father had another family or another wife, the mother left because she could not stay with dad. I knew that my marriage was not going to end up this way and so I wanted to get married to prove to all those people that marriage works.
*Have someone to grow old with, I did not want to be lonely in my old age, at least if I was married I would have a husband to talk to.
So, we were learning about our reasons for getting married and you can imagine my shock when I learnt that most of my reasons were counterfeit. I would want to say that I now know what God’s reasons are; God is not planning that my husband shall fulfill my needs. God is not planning that Steve will save the face of marriage in our family since most people in our family get married because she got pregnant. God is neither planning that marriage will give me a sense of purpose. His plan for our marriage is that we shall look up to him even though He has given me this guy who seems perfect to me. God wants us to trust him to be the provider, the ever-present friend, and the reason that marriage works.
This however does not mean that my counterfeit reasons just disappeared… I still want someone to wake me up on some morning and serve me breakfast in bed, I still want someone to hold me when the nights are cold, I so want someone to be the father of my children, someone to pick me up when I check in at the airport from some country, someone to accompany me to those card-invites-two dinners. So what I have resorted to is to rearrange my reasons, God reasons first then hope that my reasons will be benefits that come with the package.
This is one of the hardest truths I have come to learn, that my ‘perfect’ Steve can never be able to fix my issues, even the ones that seem like common sense. God might use him, and will probably use him to do it in most cases in our marriage, but I need to remember that it is God working through him.
Crazy truth this week: some of the loneliest people today are married