Boyfriend Files: Where not to meet girls!

(BY YENYEWE) The last census burst the collective bubble of the Kenyan male. Yeah. I know. The women aren’t as many as we all thought. But keep the faith. Maybe the recount in Turkana will give us more women so prepare to warm up to nomadic in-laws. But yeah it’s getting harder and harder to find the right woman and I find myself kicking myself for having taught you how to tie your laces before showing you what shoes are. So where are these elusive women hiding? Over the years, guys have come up a list of where to find the perfect woman but even these are turning out to be tough sells. So we’ll examine the ‘traditional’ spots and the issues with them.

The church– All the good girls are found in church. Right? Wrong. Sure the nice girls might make a trip here regularly but there might be the exception. Once in a while someone does something so bad and so nasty that the only place they can get any resolution is under God’s rafters. So ask yourself when you see her on her knees with her eyes closed, ‘what is she repenting for?’ and more importantly ‘where was she last night?’

The club– Yeah I know. It’s all Jason Derulo’s fault for making people think that ‘everybody’s looking for love’ in the club. The advantage is that you might meet someone who likes clubbing and having fun as much as you do. The downside? You might meet them while high. So when the alcohol and adrenaline runs out you are left with a clear image of just how big a mistake you made.

The library– Stop laughing. No seriously. Yes. It happens. First of all, she must be literate if she is in here. Either that or she was high and thought this was the church where she was going to confess her sins. The downside? Well not many great love stories begin in the library. And if your lines are anything less than smart she could throw an encyclopedia at you.

The hospital– I actually met this really cute girl in the hospital once. Fantastic smile. The hospital provides you with such easy conversation. Complain about the doctors. Laugh about how you are both scared of needles. Freak out at the corpse that accidentally falls off the gurney. But then afterwards I kept asking what she was suffering from to get her in the hospital. And more importantly, is it communicable?

The brothel/Koinange Street– The upside? Experience. Tonnes of it. The down side? Experience. Tonnes of it. The myth of the prostitute with the heart of gold is only that. A myth. On the silver screen it looks good but here on earth the only thing you will change about her is how much money she has in her bank balance after she walks away with your ATM card. But at least she will leave you with something. Another reason for a trip to the hospital.

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