Are you selfish in your relationship?

There are people who just want to confuse you and then leave you worse than they found you…but what do they gain from that? Why do some people feel the need to drag others down to their level?

Just yesterday I was sympathizing with a friend of mine who is just a few months into a relationship that already seems like it will head nowhere. You know the sort of relationship that hits a plateau even before it even really starts…

Her story is: her man, who already has children from prior broken relationships sort of has a commitment phobia as a result of the failed relationships. He constantly has to deal with baby mama drama and this has made him somewhat selfish.
The man disappears and only appears when he needs “some” from her. He only sees her when he wants to and when he feels he has missed her. He doesn’t cheat, no, he is just selfish!! That is what I think.

See, the guy has been there, done that and his past relationships are proof and my friend just wants to get there and do that as well. However, with the guy, it will take her quite longer to get there or not at all!
The guy knows what he wants/doesn’t want but he wants everything done his way.

Just the other day he mentioned to my friend that after maybe three years is when they should “think” about marriage and while at it he sort of begged her not to let herself get pregnant!
But my friend like any other woman doesn’t have all that time in the world to be uncertain about things…precious time wasted is never recovered and especially when the likes of biological clocks are taken into consideration.

As a woman of course you think about things like what if he changes his mind and decides it’s not working out after giving him three years of your life? What happens then when time has moved and things have changed and then you have to start all over again from scratch? Of course it will be much easier for him to move on than you…while you will need time to dust yourself off and pick yourself up from the floor, he will already be miles ahead into moving on…and how unfair is that?

I always tell myself that it is easier to find someone who shares the same views in life because then life will run much smoother as you will always be certain of what you are in for. If you never want to get married, then find someone who shares the same sentiments as you! And that’s how I deal with my relationships. Anytime, I realize I won’t be able to give you what you want or what you are looking for I will easily let go and I will try to explain to you why. I normally get frowned at but I look at it as being unselfish and doing you a favor. Clearly if I feel what we have will not work out in the near future then why not let you look for that which you want in somebody else who will give it you? It makes sense huh?

My friend no longer knows where she stands in the relationship because the man is the only one allowed to refer to them as a “couple”. Any time she refers to him as her boyfriend he sort of gets the freaks. The worrying bit is that he doesn’t want to let her go…and tells her how miserable he will be without her. So of course she buckles up and waits to be driven in the one way traffic.

A relationship should be two-way as it involves two people who actually have feelings. You should always see eye to eye. Your significant other constantly needs to feel assured that you want the same things (read, being with each other). It’s actually good to call the shots in your life because as you know, nobody will ever make you happy than you can. So nobody should ever call the shots for you.

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