Every woman (ok, almost every woman) has an inner vixen. One out of a hundred has probably been to that shop at Diamond Plaza and bought a naughty toy. Every once in a while we’ll break out the fishnets and the hooker heels and some red lipstick and seduce. But let’s face it, that doesn’t happen every day.
The average woman, in her sexual prime by the way, has sex about twice a week. And not in the hooker heels and fishnets, those are for special occasions. Which is the reason pornography happens to be the biggest load of lies in film. See, in porn movies, the girl is never tired. She never works, unless of course she’s the ‘maid’ or the ‘school teacher’. And there are never any kids around either, screaming and wailing and messing up the house. Her hair is always perfectly done and in place. And of course, she’s ready and willing to have sex in all positions for hours at a time. She never gets sore, and she enjoys every minute of it. No headaches, no muscle cramps, no embarrassing bodily sounds. Just….perfection.
Power to you, sister. See, I have no problem with porn. Everyone deserves a little escapism. I just wish they’d make a sex film that is a bit more realistic. Where Porn Girl is just an ordinary woman, whose hair is a little messed and she’s tired because she’s worked all day, and there was probably a baby that kept her up all night. Plus she had to cook dinner. So she’ll still have sex, probably spray on some perfume but they’ll have to be quiet so the kids don’t hear. Plus Porn Guy isn’t always’ the plumber’ or the ‘pool cleaner’. He’s a marketer who enjoys his beer, with a little gut to show for it. He’s not 6 ‘3 with pecs you could bounce coins off, and his shaft isn’t seven inches either. But he’s good enough, and doesn’t have to slap Porn Girl really hard because ‘she’s been so bad’.
Some people are lucky enough to have pornstar sex regularly. However, the average Jane and Joe’s idea of spicing things up is doing it on the couch and not the bed. And just because the sex is quieter and a little more tame doesn’t mean it’s less enjoyable.
You may not swing from the chandelier every night, but you can still get way up there. If you’ve ever seen behind-the-scenes footage of a porn film, then you know it really changed how you saw the film (except if you’re a guy; you’re just wired differently).
It’s just important to remember not to be too depressed about your drab sex life after watching a porno. Because I bet you anything Porn Girl goes home and has sex in the missionary position, maybe with the lights off