Here are some few interesting lines I think we should start our discussion with:
At first we started out real cool,
Taking me places I ain’t never been
But now you’re getting comfortable
Ain’t doing those things that you did no more
You’re slowly making me pay for things
Your money should be handling
Can you pay my bills,
Can you pay my telephone bills,
Can you pay my automo’bills
Then maybe we can chill
I don’t think you do
So you and me are through
By now you should have guessed where the words came from; the famous ‘bills’ song by Destiny’s Child. Good, now we can really begin. After an informal survey done by someone I know from somewhere, he came to a conclusion that women nowadays are the soul providers, taking care of everyone plus themselves. It is a society where roles are reversed and men are no longer the main breadwinners. Blame that on the ever-increasing costs of our economy. But is that really a cause to take on someone else’s ‘financial baggage’ or is it used as a flimsy excuse to feed off other people?
Ladies, are you in a situation where you are the one taking care of the bills while the man waits patiently at home? I’m not talking about the ‘sugar-mummy’ type of arrangements but rather a stable relationship where the man is not in a financial position to provide. How do you feel about it? Are you okay with it, or just putting up with the situation all in the name of love and ‘endurance?’ lets critically think about the types of ‘male financial instabilities’.
The ‘Leech’– now if you are in this type of relationship I suggest you read this carefully. According to my dictionary, a leech is ‘a person who extorts profit from or sponges on others’, ‘a person who habitually exploits or relies on’. See any familiar pattern? I have put them in bold for you.
On the contrary, there is nothing bad in relying on someone for support. But there are men out there who only want to benefit financially from a woman, knowing full well that they can be provided with anything they want. This is a man who will call you in the middle of the day to ask you what you will buy them for dinner, pay his rent, assist his mother with ‘unga’ money, a man who expects you to pay for their drinks and buy him his essentials, all in the name of love. They will rarely show any progress of independence because they are either too lazy to look for a job or they are in the perfect comfort zone.
If you are a smart woman, you will know that these kinds of relationships never work. I am not saying that a woman should not assist financially or from time to time cater for the small bills. My point is simply “do not accept to take less than what you deserve in the name of love and patience.” Even God’s prophets had to do his work and at the same time afford their upkeep. They never burdened their spiritual brothers and sisters with bills. Look at apostle Peter who made tents to earn him some little cash.
Back to the basics; do not under any circumstances make excuses for a man who cannot provide for you. What happens when the children come and bills need to be taken care of, especially in this era of the financial crunch? You need a helper and provider at your side, a worthy ‘team mate’. Right now you might be single and enjoying the freedom of heavy responsibilities, but once you agree to take on the burden of providing for a full grown man, that is, in marriage, I have only one sentence for you –may the gods of the mountains be with you.
The unopened ‘Gift Box’– Ladies, we all love the ‘gift box’. Wrapped and in an attractive package, all we want to do is handle with care and cherish. A ‘gift box’ is a man who has got full of potential, full of life and has a promising future. One problem though- he is as broke as Jewish mouse in a Chinese temple. But he tries his best to make it up to you any time he gets that little cash and you appreciate him for that immensely.
I call him ‘unopened’ because he has not reached his full potential and it’s a 50-50 chance that he will. And just like a wrapped gift, you do not know whether what’s inside will make you happy or disappoint you all together. This is a guy that has the entire ‘boyfriend qualities’; he’s loving, caring, understanding, good in the sack- name them! But he can neither maintain you nor himself and you end up doing all the work. He doesn’t make you cater for the whole 100% but you’ll find yourself doing at least 70%. You don’t really mind because at that point he makes you happy and you love it.
But there’s a loophole in this kind of relationship, so watch out. First, he might not attain financial independence sooner than you might like or prefer and this might cause a strain in the relationship. When you get yourself in this kind of ‘mess’ make sure you are psychologically prepared for any kind of challenges that will come along the way. It’s always never about you giving him a financial boost, but also acting as a support for him in the rough days to come. Such men usually require a lot of ‘pushing around’ and encouragement to reach their full potential, a gentle nudge in the right direction.
So are you ready to step up and do that? Or are you in it just for the short ride of excitement, which I will not lie to you, ends as soon as it begins. If you are in this kind of relationship, you are in it for the long haul and your main motivator should be faith and trust that the person will discover their full potential at some point and become this great individual you have always dreamt about. This is the ‘joyous’ part in eventually unwrapping the gift box and finding the most beautiful gift ever.
The second loophole is that he might not be the person you perceived him to be. His ambitions and dreams of the future were just meant to lure you into a sense of security. This is bad because you will have given him so much of your precious time and resources, hoping that he will eventually turn into a prince charming. Once you realize this, it is better to make a solid decision of leaving or continuing with the relationship. No use getting stuck in the middle hoping things will miraculously change overnight. It’s either he has potential or not, and its either you accept him as he is or not. Unfortunately, this is the part you unwrap the lovely gift box to find an empty space of nothingness smiling right back you. What do you do? I leave that for you dear readers.
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