I spent most of Saturday trying to console a friend who had just found out in the most embarrassing way that he wasn’t “his” first child’s biological father! The said son had a dramatic fall on Friday and to save his life he needed a blood transfusion. Of course it’s natural that a child’s blood group should feature 50-50 of both parents blood group. This wasn’t the case and it could only mean that the boy belonged to some other man.
There’s a BUT though… My friend remembers his infidelity episode just before their wedding and getting caught. His wife had forgiven him, but it seems like she had payback at the back of her mind.
When she was asked about the baby’s daddy, she announced unfazed that it was one of the guy’s friends and even told him to proceed on and do whatever he wanted.
That was a tough case to solve, so I told him to do what he felt was right.
This got me thinking about sure relationship deal breakers and especially when it comes to men. There are those things men cannot stand in relationships that are considered definite deal breakers. Every man has his limit. Some people’s levels of tolerance deserve awards while others’ levels can’t last beyond the second episode of anything. Just in the same way some men can stand drama queens and nagging, there are those who won’t accept something as small as a stray phone call from a man or their wife gaining weight.
The deal breakers:
1. Lying –If you are in a relationship with a woman who is a habitual liar then you are clearly in trouble. I know some women who lie about petty things like where they were/are at a particular time. Sometimes it can be well meaning so as to protect their men’s feelings but sometimes when the lies become too much there’s bound to be some investigation launched to find out the truth. Being caught in a lie is the worst thing ever! It will mean that your man can never trust you again so the relationship is as good as over!
2. Disdain – I know a man whose level of tolerance is very high but he still recently asked for a divorce. He told me that his marriage taught him a lot. He experienced so much from his ex wife who had all the worst qualities one could possess. He had even devised a way to cope with her but one thing he couldn’t overlook was how disdainful she was. Disdain, he says, is the only thing he can’t stand even now. She used to undermine him and everyone in his life. His friends experienced the disdain first hand and then his family. Throughout the relationship she treated him like something she had scraped off her shirt. She scolded him publicly, looked down upon everyone and at some point even stopped performing her wifely duties. She was so disrespectful towards him. So…he took his children and left her the house.
3. Infidelity– This is the mother of all deal breakers. Cheat on your man and you’ve killed him in every way. You diminish his manhood and it just shows how you think he is not man enough such that you have to go elsewhere in pursuit of what he is not giving you. To most men, this is like a slap from a giant. When you cheat on a man, you make him feel so inadequate.
4. Dis respectfulness –In a relationship, respect should be a two way traffic. If you demand respect, you should give it first. If you are constantly out with other men, if you come home late every day of the weekend (worse if you come home drunk), if you bring other men to your marital home…then you are just plain disrespectful. Once you are married, things should change. You should stop doing those things you did pre nuptials.
5. An Abusive woman – I once saw a woman pound on her man in the club. They were clearly having an argument and shortly she was throwing random jabs and slapping the guy’s cheeks silly. The guy resisted hitting back and instead he walked away embarrassed but the expression on his face just spelled “finality”.Whether emotional,physical or verbal abuse and especially in public, this is a sure deal breaker.
6. Men can’t stand when their women flirt outrageously with other men whether you are together at the same venue or not. It shows how little you think of him and instead you make him look so stupid in front of everyone. It shows how little you respect him. Some women may flirt to show their men that they are still irresistible to other men so as to teach their man a lesson, but it just looks bad on both of you and especially on the man.
7. Being too controlling is a sure male ego killer. I know of some women who only prefer to date broke men so that they can control them. In a relationship, you should always strive to work as a team of two because you are supposed to help each other out. Hence, when a woman becomes too controlling, and especially tries to control you in front of everyone then your days together as a couple are numbered. Unless you are just too special such that you don’t see anything wrong with that.
8. Irresponsibility– There are those women who are just so careless in every aspect of their life. Those kinds of women whose houses are so messy and they wouldn’t be bothered to clean up. There are also those women who can’t wait to go clubbing soon after giving birth. I know of a woman who left her 2 week old child sleeping and went to the local to catch some pints at 7pm. When she went back home at 3am the baby was a few hours dead. If you can’t be responsible enough to take care of someone that you brought to life because of something stupid as alcohol…then you don’t even deserve to be in a relationship.
A healthy relationship is meant for two people who will help bring out the best in each other. When two become one, life is meant to be better, smoother and full of smiles. If all you do is criticize each other and make each other unhappy then you are better off being alone. Men have feelings too, and yes we know that when their tolerance levels are shaken, then that’s the beginning of the end.To save your relationship take note of your problem area and work on it.