You see a new gadget at the shop, you like it and you work hard to finally own it. It might be a new machine, a model phone, a new tablet phone in the market, all you know is that it’s the coolest thing that ever made your ‘awesome stuff’ list. It feels good and you are proud to have such a gadget. Everyday you just want to look at it and for a minute there you swear that a bond has been created. But a few months down the line, its tossed in a pile with the rest of the stuff that might be well classified as junk. What the hell happened?
Relationships are like these ‘new gadgets’ I’m talking about. They look like the best invention in the market, which everybody wants to have. You walk down the street and see this couple holding hands and immediately feel the need to be in such a situation yourself. So what do you do? You go out there and get yourself one. The first thing you experience is a need to cherish and maintain. So you ensure that you do your best to take care of it. But after sometime, the need to trash surpasses the need to take care of, and out in the trash it goes. But relationships have people and people are not toys. So it might not be as easy to trash as you thought it would be. Complications arise and the results are not desirable. So what happens between treasure and trash?
It is true that maintaining the pace once you start a relationship is not the easiest job in the world. There is a stage that we call the ‘burn out’ where certain interests and likes suddenly go downhill and what remains is a feeling many always don’t know how best to deal with. It might not necessarily be a long-term relationship, it also may happen after a few successful dates with the individual. You were so excited to meet them and after the first date you thought that they suited your description of a ‘perfect’ mate. But after several more dates, some characteristics come up, and all that shine they had, immediately turns into a blur. You start avoiding their calls or messages; you are embarrassed to tell them how you exactly feel because you are afraid you might hurt them in the long run. What finally happens is an emotional disaster for you and your partner.
We are all humans and must accept that sometimes mistakes do happen. We have no control over what we feel or what will happen when we wake up at any given day. A couple might be dating for even 5 years or more and one of them wakes up one day and without warning calls it quits, just because they could not continue putting up with the situation. What I call this, is what is known to me as a build up of ‘emotional debris’. A situation brought up by lack of communication and fear of speaking up.
We don’t tell each other how we feel, our sincere emotions or true feelings toward certain issues. You sweep the problem under the carpet hoping that things will get better as you move on. This is a kind of denial, where you refuse to admit that the toy has failed to fulfill the desires of your heart. You are not being fair to yourself or your spouse. Be honest! If you don’t feel the same buzz you had in the beginning, try and find out what happened in between. Is it lack of communication? Did the other person not present their true personality in hopes of making you happy? Do you have the same interests they have?
If the situation is bearable, it is nice to talk things through especially if you have been having a stable relationship. No use of throwing a completely salvageable situation to the dumps. Let the person know that things have not been going on smoothly, at least on your end, and let them also explain if they feel the same way. It creates less tension and presents a mature way of handling future problems that may arise in your dating life. Unless the situation warrants it, is when you can ‘trash’ the toy, and get rid of the clutter that threatens any form of freedom or happiness on your side. If you decide to treasure, make sure that you do things differently and inject a dose of excitement into your relationship. You might be surprised that a little adventure and spontaneity is all that was needed to boost you and your spouse.
What we have learnt here is that it’s better to examine your need before getting yourself a new ‘toy’, in this case, a relationship. Learn its limitation or plus, and how well it will work out for you. Is it also the right time to have one? Many people buy stuff they wont even use and it may be because of ‘advertising’ or just for the fun of it. This is a very costly affair. What is the use of having something that you will eventually throw away after its thrill is over? Know your priorities to avoid the ‘burn out’.
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