Should independent women soften up?

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People always tell me that I’m a strong independent woman. Since I was in kindergarten, I remember forging ahead into the big world with hardly any sheltering from my parents. Well little did I know that when I fell on the pavement and bloodied by knee, or the time when I fell off of my cousin’s motocross bike and broke by leg, or the time when I survived my first major car accident unscaved, and who can forget the time I cried for three days straight after having my heart broken for the first time – my parents were always in the background cheering me on but always ensured that it was I who stood back on my feet alone.

I grew up being a popular girl in school, and as result, was always full of confidence. I genuinely just loved talking to people. Nerds, jocks or gang members – they were all my friends.

I did well in school – easily. I was an athlete and won many accolades in my heyday. I grew up not only believing, but knowing that whatever I wanted to achieve in life, I could and would.

I’m confident, independent and ambitious; but deep down I struggle with what every single women struggles with – underlying insecurities that may hinder our mission to find a life partner.

Why is it that all of my “alright” girlfriends, older and younger, have settled down for the white-picket fence life and even popped out a few babies; and I’m still struggling to find someone whom I’m compatible with?

I’m not trying to say I’m better than my girlfriends, but by popular opinion, I’m apparently more worldy and desirable, which is suppose to translate to “why are you even worrying?!”

I wasn’t really worrying until my family and friends have been suggesting that I need to “soften” up…

Mom: “Why are you so career minded? You know a woman your age should start thinking about finding a nice boy & get settled down. Why you want to work so hard?”

Me: “Because I want to be independent! And don’t expect me to get married in the next 5 years because I’m still young, I want to see where I can go in my life.”

Mom: “What are you trying to prove? Why do you need to prove yourself? You’re a female and you don’t always need to be made out of steel. You need a man in your life!”

Me: “WHAT? Why do I want guys that can’t take me as I am? Why do I need to change my personality just to get the guys?

Mom: “You cannot be so strong you know? Guys like soft, gentle women that will listen to them, cook for them at home, support them at all times… You’re so strong, you will scare away all the guys”

Me: “But Mom, you raised me TO BE INDEPENDENT…and to be someone that never settles…why are you asking me to settle and SOFTEN up now?”


Have you ever been asked to “soften” up? Do you feel like there’s a need for you to “soften” up? Do you think if you did “soften” up, would that make finding your life partner easier?

Tell us what you think below and we’ll continue this discussion next time!


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