(KAGIRI WAITHERA) When pregnancy happens outside marriage, as it often does, a woman is left in a dilemma.
To get married or not is the question in the minds of many girls, especially where the ‘man responsible’ accepts liability.
Getting married is a popular automatic decision by many although I find fault in it. A good number of men accept liability and commit to take care of the mother and child away from their houses.
Some remain true to the promise but a number go back on their word. Irresponsible men disappear the moment the girl breaks the news only to appear when the baby is grown up.
Although pregnancy is a favorite step, I have reservations. I find as many devastated women who married the ‘man responsible’ as there are those who get pregnant.
Pregnancy should not be a ticket to marriage and each incident should be evaluated on merit.
I appreciate that the pregnancy period is not an easy one and therefore a lady could do with company and comfort. But the promised comfort often in many incidents never happens. You would rather be lonely alone, than face loneliness in marriage.
If one is marrying, it should be because there is a deliberate decision to do so by both parties and not a desperate move out of pregnancy.
If marriage was not in the discussion, this is not the time to discuss it. If there was no marriage plan in the pipeline, the pregnancy should not be the reason to generate it. The pregnancy will be there to stay for nine months and so if you get married to get his moral support in the pregnancy, what will happen after the baby is born?
Fatherhood and marriage are two different things. He can be a father and fail to be a lover. Remember parenting is just for some time, but love is for a life time, love should therefore remain the main reason for marrying him and not a pregnancy.
Even when marriage was in the pipeline it would be wise not to rush into it. You see marriage is a lifetime commitment and careful meditation and decision making is important. Both parties must be clear that the marriage is what they want and even if there was no pregnancy they would still get married.
If the man of your dreams has doubts over the step, don’t push him. In fact it is better when the man responsible comes up with the idea. I have heard of many stories where men accuse their wives of tricking them into pregnancy and pushing them into marriage. Be keen to preempt such an occurrence by letting him propose.
The fact that a man has accepted responsibility and promised to take care of the pregnancy and child, does not translate into taking care of you. Marry him when you are clear that he loves you and will fulfill his commitment as a husband first then a father.
It is always better to get married, get to learn to live together, before a ‘stranger’ shows up. The hassles of settling down in marriage are lighter when handled by just the two of you.
However, a baby can be a blessing especially for couples that were planning marriage. Only that when the pregnancy happens one needs to be careful to make sober decisions not laced with emotions.
Basically when pregnancy happens, approach the man responsible and let them know. Secondly, discuss how you will take care of it. Will he settle the bills? Should he approach your parents to accept liability?
If the marriage was in your plans evaluate its viability. Avoid hurrying it up unnecessarily. Above all your assurance remains in God, approach him and mend your relationship with Him!