Gathering data before starting a relationship

(THITU KARIBA) Whenever we plan to invest in business in one way or another be it our time or our money, we research, we gather information or data about the business, the people and then we make the choice to partner with them or not. When we meet new friends, we hang out a few more times, get to know them and then decide whether they are people you want to be friends with or not. When you are looking for a job, or when a company is hiring, they go through a recruitment process where they interview a person more than once and sometimes using different people before they give them the job.  I find it scary that we can put all this time and effort into gathering data about the above things and people, yet when it comes to our own personal relationships we could care less.

For starters, dating and courting mean different things. Dating is all about meeting up with people you are interested in and gathering data. That is why it is best done over a meal or drink. It allows you to just relax and ask questions, talk and share so as to get a feel of the person. Courting is the next step, once you decide you like the person and would like to have a deeper relationship, then you begin to court them.  This stage is more exclusive and should not be done with more than one person.  This is the place in the job or company where you have shopped around and found what you want and commit to working together with an end goal in mind.  I like to say that if the person is not worth marrying they are not worth courting. Dating is different; you can date more than one person at a time because you are ONLY gathering data. Today dating involves sex and all other manner of things that should ONLY come in at another stage of the relationship. When dating, you may find people who will only be friends and you may find someone to take it to the next level with.

When dating, it is important to know what questions to ask and when to ask them.  Dating and gathering of information is something that cannot happen overnight and requires a period of time. I believe it is important to give dating time, weeks to months because as we well know, people can put on an act. What we find out on the first date will determine if you will have a second or any more thereafter, so it’s good to have as many dates as you deem necessary before taking the next step.  Although I did say you can date more than one person at a time, there is also a balance.  2-3 is different from having 5-10 people you are dating. In my view 3 is dancing on the line.

I got a copy of the  book The Love Dare by Stephen and Alex Kendrick and in there were 20 questions we should ask while on dates that I will share with you now to help you in your data gathering.

  1. Ask about their greatest hopes and dreams
  2. What they enjoy most about their life currently
  3. What they enjoy least about their life currently
  4. What their dream job would be if they could do anything and get paid to do it
  5. Some of the things they have always wanted to do but not had the chance
  6. What three things they would like to do before the next year passes
  7. Who they feel most safe being with and why
  8. If they could have lunch with anyone in the world who it would be
  9. When they last felt wild with joy
  10. If they had to give away a million dollars who would they give it to.

There are 10 more that I will share with you in the next issue. This really was just to clear things up and emphasize the point that clothes are to stay on during dating.  Here we want to see the heart of the person you are trying to invest in and not their bits and bobbins. Sex is a great destruction and before you know it, you are sleeping with a complete stranger and wondering how you did not know who they really were.  The truth is that you never took the time to know them.

More from the author HERE

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  1. Marianne Wanjiku October 10th, 2011 at 3:12 pm

    Love you Thitu. You call it as it is!

  2. Vania Kibui October 12th, 2011 at 11:11 am

    This makes for a very good read its a mild and honest piece…


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