(BMK) I have always maintained that there can never be a purely platonic relationship between a man and a woman. That the only women I have not slept with are those who have not let me. Of late I have had to eat a lot of humble pie l (washed down with my own verbal vomit I might add!). The latter part of my penultimate sentence I still stand by. The first I have had to take back.
Yes I know it’s not an earth shattering truth but I had a very belated epiphany on it anyway. I realized with some shock that there is one woman outside of my immediate nuclear family that I would never dream of sleeping with. The truth of the matter is that she is my best friend and I am hopelessly in love with her.
I was quite appalled by this realization the other day when as I am wont to do I let my mind wander and wondered what I would do if I was presented with the opportunity to take her to bed. First we are so close that almost every time we are in the company of strangers they inevitably ask how long we have been going out. Or comment on what a cute couple we make because it is very apparent that we get each other.
Well we had a bit of a row some time back and didn’t talk for a couple of weeks or at least it seemed that long to me. Like most arguments a lot of things were said that I know I regret saying. What I wish I could really take back was telling her in the heat of our argument that I was in love with her.
I am but not in the romantic sense. Is it possible to be in love with someone without wanting to take the next logical step? In a moment of purely girly logic… my response was yes. What shocked me the most was that when she posed that question my answer was an emphatic and sincere ‘‘Yes”. I think I was taken aback more than she was. Though the expression on her face was definitely more incredulous than what I felt.
The fight is officially over but we are not speaking. We talk but we don’t speak to each other anymore. I have always suspected that I suffer from chronic foot in mouth disorder and that all but confirmed it. There is no way I can take it back. It really is not the same as a drunken “I love you mate” slurred as you stumble drunkenly out of a bar. The dynamics are completely different.
Women will always insist that they wish guys wouldn’t spoil a relationship by sleeping with a friend. I personally thought it was their politically correct way of saying “Not interested dude!” It is better than “EEEW!” which is probably what she is saying in her head. So I asked another of my girlfriends what the big deal was.
She just called me stupid to my face and walked away muttering incoherently but forcefully under her breadth. I am pretty sure that I do not want to know what kind of names she was calling because that woman curses like a sailor on rum and crack. Left to my own devices I tried to figure things out on my own. The furthest I got was that she was offended that I did not find her sexually attractive which is far from the truth.
Truth be told and the devil be shamed, before I got to know her I actually wanted to get into her pants. After I got to know her I realized I liked her better as a wingman. She had better pull than I did! Then we just started hanging out and she would always come to me with her man problems and I wouldn’t sugarcoat anything. I like to think that she was as honest as I was. Clearly I was too honest! The thing is I only realized that I was in love with her when we had that argument. But she is more like a kid sister to me now and the thought has not crossed my mind in a long time.
I know that women are complicated. I also know that even they don’t know what they want. I know I can’t take back what I said. I am even more sure though that I know I want my best friend back. Partly because it’s a little annoying that I now have to work so hard pulling chicks on my own because I don’t have her petty face next to me and other women envying our “relationship”. That sucks, no I take that back. It really sucks!
I always thought I was better equipped than most guys when it comes to dealing with women since I grew up in a house full of women of varying ages but this one has me stumped. I thought I would let her cool off for a couple of days but those have turned into weeks and I am loosing it. The question I ask myself is how do I fight for someone I do not want to sleep with but whom I am hopelessly in love with? How wrong Jason and Colbie were! Being in love with your best friend is far from lucky. It blows!