How to be a man: Tips from Boris Kodjoe


Dating these days is quite complicated. I feel like men these days are nothing like our grand fathers. There was a certain standard men aspired to when it came to relationships. Women were put on pedestals and treated like queens. I was out with a friend of mine the other day at a house party. Only beer was available and I do not drink the frothy stuff. So he made a quick run to the store for something for me to drink. I kid you not, every guy there gave him grief about it. They were saying that he must have a crush on me to go out of his way like that because they would have made me drink whatever was available. It was just so saddening. A brother was just being a gentleman.

Anyway, thank goodness for men like Boris Kodjoe. They restore my faith in the male species. Boris, who has been married to Nicole Ari Parker for the last six years,  recently gave some good insight into what a ‘Good Man’ should be while conversing with model/actress Claudia Jordan.  Claudia tweeted that her mother told her to find ‘some rich, ugly producer and marry him’ because of her troubles with finding a quality man in LA.   Boris responded:

“Why he gotta be ugly? Honestly, I think LA is cancerous for relationships. The hustle mentality and ‘gotta make it’ attitude keeps people from cultivating a real connection. No one has time to take anyone in. Everyone is self-centered and wants to  ‘keep it moving’ Dudes here are so insecure that they have to switch up a girl every week to hide their ‘weaknesses’. A real man embraces them!”

From that response, he went on to create the trending topic, #How2baMan, where he shared what he believes are qualities that all men should possess.  Check them out below:

– Embrace your imperfections

– Laugh at yourself. A woman likes a man who doesn’t take himself too serious.

– Fix or build something with your hands. It’ll show her that you are capable of taking care of a home.

– Know how to cook and clean. It’ll show her that you don’t need her but that you WANT her.

– Get your passport and travel. A man needs to see the world.

– Communicate without cursing. You don’t need to curse to make a point. Cursing shows lack of substance.

– In bed, take care of your woman first. When she’s satisfied you are DA MAN!!!

– Stay in shape. It’ll show her that you care about yourself and therefore are able to care about her.

– Take care of your responsibilities. Anything less is unacceptable. A boy is irresponsible, not a man.

– Open her door and pull out her chair. It shows her that you honor traditional values. Trust me, she will do the same.

– Be present! Take her in with your eyes and ears. Your attention will make her feel loved and she won’t ever nag you.

– Read a f—ing book! (Sorry, violation of ‘no cursing’ rule) But seriously, ignorance is a major turn-off. Book on tape will do.

– Have an ambition. You don’t need to be rich but you need to show direction and motivation. Keep a job!

– Last one for today: Treat a woman the way you would want your daughter to be treated. Anything less is unacceptable.”

Loving it :-) You can find Boris on twitter here. What else would you add to the list?


  • Sheshi

    awesome!my guy is the best but m still printing this out for him 🙂

  • wn2007

    Thanks UK for acknowledging this great woman. We wish her all the best and even if she does not win that Oscar, we know she is worth it!!

  • lucy

    Yes indeed

  • Thanks UK…. Lakini leo umetumia vocabulary zingine kali kali. I had to use a dictionary for the first time…… please relax ukiandika hizi speech.

  • Gichira Peter

    allow me to join this conversation from a different perspective. You
    may not agree with me yet I beg for your indulgence. I wish to express
    my personal reservations about what i consider to be a hulabaloo around
    Lupita’s success. I would have extremely celebrated if it was a
    different movie but this one? NO! I keep wondering why the directors
    could not find an actor of African American decent to play the role.
    Could it have been that Lupita unknowingly was being used because of her
    low level of Afrocentrism? I really suspect that this was the case. I
    basically consider the movie “12 Years a Slave” more in-dignifying than
    it is edifying to people of the African race.

    • Natty Dread

      Mr. Gichira,

      Good actors do not have to have been whatever they portray in order to do it well. It’s like saying that those that act in a film about the moon-landing must first make an actual landing.

      • Gichira Peter

        Natty Dread, first, thank you for your decorum in this conversation. I expected people to be emotional but you proved that there still exists remnants of reason. However, you veered off my point. What I mean to ask is this. Can you envisage an IRA hunger striker or people who share his history acting in that particular role in such a film? or Better, can you envisage any person of the Jewish decent acting on a film where they are acting victims of the Nazi? That is what I wanted us to engage on. Following to such I was asking, could Lupita have been used to act that role because being an African devoid of the history of slavery, she would not identify with that role? This is simply academic and a question of asking ourselves whether we know what we get ourselves into regardless of the status or fame it is “purported” to represent. For instance Chinua Achebe would not accept some Prizes including the Nobel Prize for reasons. That is the line of thought here.

        • observer

          Gichira, two questions here…first of all, does it really matter? And second, Is the background of the actress important in regards to the story, or is it more important for the story to be told? I think that Natty dread actualy addresses your question. In my opinion, the director was looking for good actors(resses) and chances are there are even very good black american actors who would have loved to do this part…but Lupita happenned to audition for it. Django was done by black americans by the way. And the second question…I would think it is more important to tell the story than to discuss why each actor was chosen and so on.

          • Duncan Muchina

            In support of your points above, I totally believe that had an American actress done the role, it would have been extremely difficult to win an Oscar. Being from “outside” coupled with Lupita’s simplicity brought a freshness to the scene hard to ignore. However, Mr Gichira is questioning the mentality behind the making of the film. I believe what attracts even more is the very fact that it addresses slavery. Any other genre would simply have been ignored (remember the votes that determine the winner belong to the whites exclusively)….ask Eddie Murphy with the dancing Penguins!

    • Ben Otachi

      gichira is a lost sheep and from my point of view a tribalistic …by any case i started your name with a small letter to dignify u more..shame on you

      • Gichira Peter

        Talk of cognitive dissidence. No wonder IEBC, KDF, Jubilee, and I are to blame for the Karasani debacle last Friday!!” Tehehehehehe

    • David Nganga

      I think she is Afrocentric as they come. Remember she refused to attend Milan for their ignoring the black actors in 12 Years A Slave in their billboards. Then listen to her speech about Alek Wek and her hope to be also an inspiration.

  • Natty Dread

    And then she went ahead and did it! Great job Lupita.

  • Duncan Muchina

    Great to acknowledge this great African talent. Thanks UK also for the efforts your government is putting forward to promote film and drama. This Oscar will truly inspire millions of young Africans worldwide.

  • Idris Isack

    yoh thats too gud am really proud to be kenyan

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