April 28, 2011 – I happened upon a list on a friend’s laptop a couple of weekends ago and I was left astounded. Astounded because this was not just any list it was a check list -“My ideal guy check list” to be precise. Do people still do that?
I later asked her what that was all about and the whole thing turned into a discussion and soon other parties were involved.
The list went something like this:
0. No financial obligations to family
1. Financially stable
4. Not over-possessive
6. Great sense of humor
7. Fashion sense**
8. great physique
9. good teeth
10. Takes care of himself
11. Hair and teeth all intact
12. Keeps promises
…I should perhaps stop there as the list went on to number 20…but you get the idea right? And I hope you noted what took the first two slots…finances, finances!
I could maybe excuse my friend because she is only 23 and I believe she still has time, to maybe look around for that man who definitely doesn’t exist (I mean even prince William will be missing most of his hair soon).
For some of us, there’s nothing like a list because age and experience has taught us that there’s absolutely nothing like the perfect partner. I remember being close to having one (a list) but now it’s in my head and it’s more like a phrase that goes something like… “A straight guy, who possesses at least an average sense of wisdom, takes excellent care of himself and knows that I’m a human being of equal rights as himself”.
And to that I must add that that works for me as I don’t have time to take care of another grown up save for maybe my mum in old age…full stop!
The guys in the discussion were all against having a list and settled for a sane, hardworking woman in her element, with modest features …a hot woman just came as by “LUCK” and will be considered a plus.
I gave my friend a chance to explain herself and her infamous list and why she lived by the no romance without finance motto.
She explained that she works very hard and takes care of herself and has got great plans ahead. “There’s no way I’m going to spend the rest of life being average and I have a so-called husband. I am ok being average by myself so I want someone who will make my life way better. That’s why a man who lives from paycheck to paycheck is also a no-no for me. Life is there to be lived to the full …”, she explained. She went on to tell me that a marriage with a man who is financially obligated to his family scared her to bits…such a marriage spells doomed from the word go!
Anyway, everyone is entitled to what they want out of life right? It’s all about whatever floats your boat. I’m really not sure whether I can personally handle a “Mr. Financially obligated to his entire family” but at the same time I know that it’s not something particularly catastrophic. I also know for sure that the kind of bond and understanding you have in your relationship matters most.
Helping your flesh and blood here and there is not a bad thing coz who knows what would happen if tables were turned? It is an African thing to do good not only for oneself but for everyone surrounding us.
By the way if you think about it, the being financially obligated to your family thing is so African. My friend from the “West” tells me that back in his country it’s every man for himself. Your parents raise you until you are of age then the rest is upon you (not unless you come from a really well off family). It doesn’t matter if your sibling or relative is homeless, it’s their problem that they are lazy and can’t take care of themselves so you just let them be. Good example, David Beckham’s sister lives in a flat despite her brother being Mr. Money bags.
So what are your two cents? Do you think you can handle a partner whose entire family’s existence and well being depends on him/her? Do share 😉
Don’t forget to follow @cfmlifestyle and @missmoereen (the author) on twitter