April 27, 2011 – I know I’m not the only one who has often wondered why Halle Berry has a difficult time with relationships. As hot as she is, you’d think a man would do everything in his power to make things work with her. In last year’s September issue of Vogue magazine, she revealed that she realized we are not meant to go the distance with everybody. She is currently dating French actor Olivier Martinez, who she met on the set of “Dark Tide”. Although they’ve been getting pretty serious, Halle recently revealed that the traditional form of marriage is not for her, and she won’t be getting married again.
“I wish I had known then that I was not the marrying kind. It would have saved me a lot of time, heartache and grief over the years.
I made all the wrong choices when it came to love. I have been an idiot. But, now, it is like a gift to myself – seeing more clearly and making better decisions. One thing was unavoidable. My father left us when I was young and that did affect my life. If I had a good father in my life, growing up, then I do not think I would have made the mistakes I made. I would not have been lost in love.
I would have had a good role model and known what to look for. As it is, I had to find out about marriage from the men I’ve married. I have done it twice and I am not going to do it again. The traditional form of marriage is not for me.
Oprah Winfrey has also been vocal about her decision to have an “un-traditional” relationship with Stedman, her boyfriend of over 25 years.
“Had we made the official marriage commitment, we wouldn’t still be together. The reason the relationship works is that we get to define it on our terms. It would be very different if we were in a ‘traditional’ relationship where I was expected to be a wife and every now and then cook a meal!”
I respect Halle and Oprah for recognizing that it’s not for them. I would hate to stand in front of my family and friends swearing eternal love, only for the marriage to disintegrate in two years. Not everyone is meant to get married.
So are you the marrying kind? These days, I don’t think we put enough thought into whether or not we should take that crucial step of getting married. It’s not supposed to be trial and error. That’s how you wake up one morning after just 2 years of marriage and realize that spending the rest of your life with that person is tantamount to a life sentence without the possibility of parole. Marriage is supposed to be a conscious decision made after deliberating on the issue for a while. And by a while, I mean more time than it took you to find your first room mate.
So how do you know if you have what it takes to be married? 2blu2btru has a wonderful check list given to her by her minister. Well start with his thoughts on what a wife should be. A woman must:
1. Marry a man she believes in.
2. Love him, and love him enough to let go of her past–don’t bring past into relationship; she needs to be focused on her relationship and her husband.
3. Be about his dream–not about her dream.
4. Know some things about her man and the powers in her femininity. She can not stand toe to toe with her husband arguing. She should cease to argue and wait for a better opportunity. She knows how to deal with her husband.
5. Knows how to keep a house. The wife has the domestic responsibility. Her husband can help, but it’s always up to her to see that it’s done even if she doesn’t do it herself.
6. Keep herself beautiful to her man. *men are very visual* Keep her makeup, keep her perfume, go to the gym–for her man, not for anyone else. *This is about keeping the attraction going*
7. Knowledge of who her husband is
8. Discipline her husband when it comes to the bedroom. Tell him sometimes not tonight honey. *Kids & Christmas analogy* have every argument outside of the bedroom. Keep children out of the bedroom. I told my wife “this is our love den.”
9. Be his friend. Talk to him about everything (everything means EVERYTHING). Keep a calendar and create initials for “honey I love you, I missed you, I was faithful to you today so that you can see that and make sure you express that everyday.
10. Have a hobby, an outlet, or a means of relaxation.
Good points. I only have an issue with number 3. To me, it should not be about my dream or your dream. It should be OUR dream. I expect that by the time I’m getting married, both of us would have had a talk about what we both want from life, and how to fit it ALL into our common plan.
Gentlemen, you are not left out. Here are things that men should keep in mind:
1. He must be a Godly man-rooted in God
2. Have a goal, an almost unattainable one. It keeps you from being bored
3. Know where he is going–helps you recognize distractions.
4. Have integrity for himself, wants to be faithful for himself and not just because the Bible says.
5. Discipline of body & mind. He must read, have knowledge of the world around him, have a large world view.
6. Direction and goals for your family
7. Be a model of everthing you want to implement, lead the house in a spiritual manner.
8. Romantic–not overkill. “He wants to to have some of that Pepe Le Pue in him” *LOL* Ain’t nothin’ wrong wit bringing a flower. He knows how to show affection.
9. Knows how to handle money. The husband is the provider and has the financial responsibility. The wife may help him with the money and she may work, but he has to see that bills get paid.
10. Knows how to step back from work and spend time with his family.
11. Leader in the church in some capacity
12. Have a hobby, an outlet or a means of relaxation.
My purpose of sharing this is to remind everyone that marriage is very heavy business. You don’t wake up one day and decide you should get married. It’s a process that takes deep soul searching and you both have to be on the same page. If you’re not, then DON’T get married. It’s just that simple.
With all that said, are you the marrying kind?
For more articles from the author, check out her blog: http://amarieadhis.wordpress.com/