March 16, 2011 – When John was halfway through his course at one of the media colleges in Nairobi he approached the beautiful Shiko to be his girlfriend. With some shabby mutumba clothes and no money for night outs and coffee dates, John was simply not enough for the gracious lady.
Five years later the two former college mates met at a corporate function. John was then working with a leading media house and was better groomed, proving a bit irresistible for Shiko. She tried to revive the relationship but John had moved on.
In my college, the short Mwangi approaches a friend of mine, Faith. Faith was a super beautiful woman who every man drooled over in campus. He definitely was not tall, dark and handsome, and his mother tongue influence made the relationship bid ‘Mission Impossible’.
A frustrated Mwangi moved on. He got engaged to a classmate and married immediately after they left campus. Till today, Faith is waiting with baited breath for Mr Right.
This leads me to the question: is there anything like Mr Right.
Most women seem to have an idea of the ideal man they would want; but its sad that this man remains elusive for some. After unsuccessful attempts and the clock ticking, some get married to escape age or for the convenience of money.
It is important for women to look for security in men, but at times this security it overstretched. Women want to be sure that their men can take care of them, but at times this makes them focus on the wallet and miss the heart.
Our beloved ladies want the confidence of a handsome man by their side, someone to be proud of, but when we overstretch this we end up with the beauty and probably miss the character.
Surprising enough we all make the money but character may not be repaired.
If you ask me, character takes pre-eminence over looks. His inner drive and vision should take supremacy above the size of his wallet.
We keep hearing about rich men who cheat shamelessly. They blatantly tell their wives off when pressed about their infidelity. Statements like, “what is your problem, I have provided all you need in life so I don’t understand why you are bothering me,” are common.
These men use the money they spend on their women to justify their cheating. That is why I have an issue with this over-emphasis on cash.
What you see during dating in terms of character is likely the best he will ever be.
In my last article I talked about the men to keep away from; the bad boy types. To be honest it is hard to characterise good men in this same way.
Good men to be precise don’t come wrapped in silver ware; they are treasures mostly hidden in what I would call mud jars, at times not attractive.
To identify one would mean making the extra sacrifice, foregoing some pleasures of today and at times taking the risk.
Its sad that there are more bad boys than good men…
As opposed to the bad boy who knows how to sell himself on the outside, a good man is at times passive.
A good man will take time to know you. He will not rush you to bed. He will make his intentions known at an appropriate time; not too fast not too late.
He appreciates you for who you are and not what you are. Your value is not in any way measured in bed but by your heart. He pleasures in making you happy than you making him happy.
He listens to you and is never quick to offer solutions. When he has made his intentions known he keeps talking about your future with him constantly. You are part of his life and he is not ashamed to show it and say it.
For some girls it’s his looks, others it’s the size of the wallet and others his muscles, but after you get all these you discover there is more to life than them!
Its time to get beyond the looks and the wallet and get closer to the heart and discover who he is. Money is earned, beauty comes from the Lord, but character is developed.