March 10, 2011 – There are three things men dislike… actually, four: a nagging woman, an ungrateful wife, a constant critic and a bad cook.
Your beauty is good to attract him but once you let him in, your character takes prominence. It is how you treat him that keeps him thinking about you all day long, dying to marry you and even longing to come home to you.
I am no expert in explaining why some men spend more time in the office and the bar than at home but I can bet that a good number of them hate going home.
On my first week in campus I visited this friend I had met during registration day. As a good African woman Jane offered to prepare dinner which was very attractive, considering the pathetic food in the college mess. Her efforts however ended in disaster and her Ugali-Sukuma combo ended up being worse than what was on offer at the mess. That was the end of any interest I may have harboured beyond ‘just being a good man.’
It has been said that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach; this I fully support. Getting home to a nicely prepared meal is an enticement for any man. After a day of terrible restaurant food, we all desire a well cooked meal.
A lousy meal on the other hand is an instant turn off. It is the expectation of our society that cooking is a basic skill for women and one who cannot cook is certainly considered incomplete. Stories of married women sent back to their mothers to be taught how to cook are real and increasing daily. If you cannot cook him a good meal and you leave the house help to prepare the meal don’t complain when she takes over your wifely duties!
There are those good men who cook for you while dating. Interestingly though when you get married that generosity slowly fades. Not that he no longer loves you, but the fact is that it is a woman who is expected to cook for her family. When a woman takes time to prepare his favorite meal, the man of the house is happy. Believe you me after a scrumptious meal it is very easy to have your way with your man on any matter. Men love to be taken care of and a nicely cooked meal is definitely top on the list of what consists being taken care of.
King Solomon was a man of many women and his wisdom was definitely tried. Talking about a nagging woman he says:
“It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.”
“A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.”
I don’t need to say much, it is clear that a nagging woman disgusts any man. It keeps him away and isolated. It reminds him of his screaming boss. This is made worse if it is what he gets the moment he gets home.
My dad worked away from home, coming home every Saturday evening. One of the unwritten rules at home was that you never ask daddy anything on Saturday evening. Needs were discussed on Sunday morning after he had a restful night. When a man comes home from a tiring day the last thing he wants to hear is the list of needs in that house unless it is urgent. Complaints about your mother-in-law or how he treats you badly do not have to be the welcome note!
A woman constantly criticising what her husband is doing is slowly pushing herself from her place in his life. One of the greatest needs of a man is to be admired and supported in his endeavours. It is bad enough when the one he loves does not believe in him, it is worse when she continuously waters down his dreams and plans. It is at home where one gets solace when in doubt or when ‘it is not working.’
If you think his dream needs a ‘make over’ give your input wisely and soberly, and be part of it rather than discredit it.
If you could change those complaints into concerns it would make a difference. It is likely that you will achieve much by raising concerns and your feelings than whining. This way he will see the sense of it. When a man is criticized he feels underrated, doubted and unappreciated!
Appreciating him when he ‘attends to his responsibility’ might look simple but it is encouragement enough to know that what he does is appreciated. It might be his responsibility to pay rent and pay other bills but you don’t have to drive it through the throat.
Appreciation is bi-sexual if I must say. Some gratitude to him is food to his ego. A man needs admiration for fulfilling his responsibilities like a woman loves to be told how scrumptious the meal was, how tidy the House looks or how she irons just right.
These are at times simple things, ignored by many but so crucial to keeping your man happy and close to you. A happy relationship is not about the big things but rather little sentimental things.
A little nag, an ungrateful spirit, a dose of criticism and a lousy meal, you will surely send him away…