January 25, 2011 – I think I may have realized why my good friend and I spend most of our Sunday afternoons eating our hearts out and complaining about how ‘all men are dogs’. It’s because we both stick to a poorly-written script and attract the same types of dogs into our lives over and over, and over again. Let me explain.
I went to a fabulous party on Friday. You know the guest-list kind where no one introduces themselves because they assume you should already know who they are? It was at a lavish estate complete with a swimming pool, garden, and a tennis court. I’m talking lots of lights, décor, a live band and to my surprise, some gorgeous men!
Since I didn’t really know anyone other than the girls who I’d come with, I kept to myself as my friends made their rounds. I kept finding myself in various corners; sipping on my drink and pretending to be on the phone. At some point I think the guy standing next to me could tell I was bored out of my mind so he approached me and introduced himself.
He seemed like the type of guy you could really brag to your friends about. Extremely handsome, funny, killer smile, and after a short conversation I found out he actually lives pretty close to me. He offered to buy me a drink so we walked over to the bar amidst the ‘getting to know you’ small talk. I noticed a few women glaring at me, green with envy as we talked, so I decided to continue with our mild flirtation. It was at this point that he excused himself to go use the restroom and that was the last time he saw me.
My mind immediately kicked into retreat-mode and I quickly hustled my girlfriends to the parking lot claiming that I was beginning to feel sick. I was obviously not sick but needed an excuse to get away from this gorgeous man who had shown interest in me for some reason. By the time he came back from the restroom I was long gone. We hadn’t exchanged numbers so I didn’t have to worry about him calling to meet up the next day. I had successfully evaded potentially healthy yet unfamiliar territory and I was pleased with myself.
The next day my pal invited me to have drinks at the home of one of her newly-single guy friends. He seemed like a genuinely nice guy, business minded, well educated and again very single. During the course of the night he had even pulled my girlfriend aside to ask if I was single. We seemed to be getting along fine and before I left I’d actually suggested that he should join us for our usual Sunday lunch the next day.
Yet when I woke up the next morning I found my brain once again checked into retreat mode. As my friend and I sat having lunch and discussing our weekend, she mentioned that she had given my number to the guy who’d hosted us the previous night. A few minutes later my phone rang and it was him calling. So I pressed reject and acted as if nothing had happened.
As habit dictates, we eventually got on the topic of men and how useless they all are. We went on and on about how they all cheat, can never get satisfied, and how there are just no good men left in Nairobi. We’d ordered shisha and were painting a perfect picture of what it means to be bitter black women as we blew the smoke up in the air acting all melodramatic.
An hour later we had gotten to the point in our conversation where we usually take out our phones and decide to text these useless men in our lives. The guy I texted was one who I’d been sexting for a few weeks. A typical player with a massive ego, a bad reputation, and a very nice car. The first night we texted back and forth, he actually sent me another woman’s text by mistake. After apologizing profusely I let it slide. We hung out a week later then he went silent on me but now was my time to be that desperate chic sending that ‘why have you tupad me?’ text.
It was at this point that it hit me… I had actually met two very eligible bachelors in the last two days. Yet here I was depressed and texting someone who was probably not going to write back! Which leads me to this question: Have you ever thought about why all your exes are similar or why you keep attracting the same type of fools? Personally I feel that if all my exes met they’d have a great time together. I know it seems safe and comfortable to stick to what you’re used to but has it occurred to you that you may be over-looking Mr. Right to be with Mr. Right Now?
I must admit, switching your mindset on men isn’t as easy as it sounds. It takes continuous deliberate thoughts and actions for you to break the cycle. It means fighting back the urge to retreat when a guy is being nice and trading the sexting for a proper dinner date. It requires putting down the shisha and high calorie Sunday afternoon binge to laugh and be hopeful rather than bitter.
It’s going to take time, but I have a feeling it’ll be worth it. Besides, isn’t it about time we stopped replacing characters in the same old script and wrote a whole new story that we don’t already know the ending to?