June 21, 2010 – Shortly after settling down, catching our breath and ordering our drinks, Kerry who happens to be one of my good friends announced to the world-if not just us seated at the table- that she was having great sex and that’s why her skin was glowing. Of course that had to capture our attention. It is no wonder she was wearing her hair up an indication she was in a “come-hitherto –mood”.
We wanted to know who this new person in her life was. This person who was making our girls’ eyes sparkle…. Then she proceeded to unleash the bombshell… She was getting “some” from her ex squeeze Jim!
Jim, the same guy who had her sobbing her tear glands dry just a bit over a month ago?
“Yes, that same Jim!” and pleased with herself and her response she was too as the response was followed by a huge sip of wine. “Jeez…chic, calm down! Its just “temporary ex sex”, no strings attached and no biggie.” She said looking at me (I bet she had read the fazed look on my face.)
Right, I bet at this point it would be best to fill you in on what had happened between Kerry and Jim two months ago…Kerry’s long time boyfriend had started acting all indifferent towards her. He started “not returning” her calls and even stopped calling her altogether. When asked about his change of attitude he had blamed it on work and the deadlines he had had to meet.
Kerry suspected he was cheating and sure as hell he was. One day he was caught with his hands in the cookie jar and if that hadn’t been bad enough for Kerry, Jim chose the other woman over her…In other words he did the dumping and in the most cold-blooded way ever-he did in front of the other woman!
Anyway, temporary ex sex could be fine for some people but only if you realize that it’s just that –Temporary! And also if you are the dumper and not the “dumpee.”
“It’s super crazy, hot and so naughty and besides it is giving our girl that extra glow…” Our other friends seemed to agree…
On the other hand, I thought they couldn’t be any wrong. It’s not the wisest idea and especially if you parted ways in such horrible terms like the two had.
Different people have a different take on the issue. I mean, my other girls seemed to embrace it whole heartedly and even wished Kerry good times if that’s how she wanted to have it. I on the other hand remained skeptical more so because I witnessed the sobs. I just told her to tread very carefully. I refuse to be heaped in the uptight bracket so this is how I decided to rest the case…
Ex sex is considered exciting because it’s sex that is so much better now that you’re no longer in a relationship and it sure feels like something you probably shouldn’t be doing. You know it’s unhealthy but still gives you pleasure just like indulging in junk food and that’s precisely what makes it awesome.
See, the thing is that in everyday relationship sex can become quite routine and a bit tame especially when you’ve been dating for a while in which case one is more protective of their relationship and less likely to unleash the naughty French maid outfits and leather whips. In ex sex nothing is sacred and anything goes.
Also, there’s so much to do with ego. Pride is a powerful aphrodisiac you know. In such a situation both of you have something to prove to each other- specifically, that your partner made a huge mistake leaving you and that you’re so skilled in the sack!
Sure, the sex is great between exes. But the fact that you broke up means there was something amiss in your relationship. If you got back together, the problems including the lame sex would return.
Keeping things on a booty-call basis isn’t better because one of you is bound to get more attached. It’s hard to give up amazing sex, but that’s the only way to go about it…or at least like I told Kerry, tread carefully. If somebody else was to come into the picture then there’s bound to be smoke coming out of the ears and you’d be super pissed!
If you are going to continue having intriguing bedroom romps with your ex anyway, then here are some tips to help you keep your head up:
1. Don’t be clingy. Don’t do it too often that it keeps either of you from meeting someone else.
2. Don’t push each others buttons.
3. Keep in your mind that sex does not equal love!!
4. Trash your expectations. Be honest about what this is (basically using each other until someone better comes along)
5. Don’t do anything you’ll regret.
Good Luck 🙂