June 2, 2010 – Playing footsie. That’s what we have been doing all this time. By footsie I mean toying around with one another and acting all coy. You know, like with your first crush, or like with that friend who’s not really a friend because you both know what you have going on is more than just friends? OK, I’m rambling now.
So, as I was saying, we have being playing footsie with each other. I don’t remember when I first realized that we had become more than just friends. I think it was probably that day when we went for lunch at this strangely exotic restaurant. A friend of mine had referred me there when I asked her where I could go for a different dining experience. “I’m so fed up with always eating fast food or Chinese food,” I’d said to her via e-mail. She responded with the suggestion that I try out Cosmic, a restaurant located in Parklands and is dedicated to no particular cuisine.
So on that Sunday that was what we did. In retrospect, I realize that the signs were all there: the casual brushing of hands, the slightly lingering looks, the silence of two people comfortable in each other’s presence. Anyway, at Cosmic we had the Chef’s special; a mélange of several meats and starches. The food was good, the ambience even better, and the conversation divine. We talked about everything and anything, and before we realized it, it was dark. Commitments await us early on a Monday morning so we had to leave.
We took a taxi, planning to head to my place first to drop me off then he would be dropped off after. The taxi had definitely seen better days, but at that hour and in that part of town, the beggars that we were could not be choosers. Getting me home, and eventually him, was laborious. The taxi stuttered and coughed, and lurching forward violently, it broke down, much to our frustration. Luckily for us we were close to a petrol station and so walked there, hand in hand, with the taxi driver in tow profusely apologizing to us. We eventually got another taxi, and made it home without any more incidents.
Our relationship continued on pretty much an even keel. We went on lunch dates and the occasional dinner, visited each other on the regular, attended concerts and other forms of social fora. Never once did I imagine mentioning how I felt. I did not want to ruin what had revealed itself to be the perfect friendship.
Up until yesterday…
So there I was last night lying on my bed, enjoying a cup of hot chocolate while listening to the soothing tones of Lira, afro-jazz goddess, belted out in her sultry voice. I put on my laptop, and connected to the Internet. As I checked my e-mails, a message popped up: “Jazzy would like to chat with you. Accept?” Jazzy was his online avatar. I happily accepted.
Coco: So what’s up?
Jazzy: Nothing much… I was watching news.
Coco: Boring!!!! I’m listening to Lira now… she’s just so awesome. I can’t get enough of her.
Jazzy: I know!! Leme put it on the comp. Gimme a sec.
(Five minutes later)
Jazzy: Sorry, ma was talking to me.
Coco: No that’s cool. BTW Youtube Prelude to a kiss by Alicia Keys. I’M IN LOVE!!!!
Jazzy: LOL! Dramatic!!!
Coco: YA OF COURSE!!! That song is so beautiful. She also rocks.
Jazzy: Ok cool I’m looking for it.
Coco: Wish you were here… I’m in dire need of a massage… hint hint 😉
Jazzy: LOL why is it always me who’s supposed to be there to give you a massage?
Coco: Coz I’m the one always asking for one! Have you ever asked me?
Jazzy: Ok cool… but that will only lead to trouble.
Coco: What do you mean by trouble?
Jazzy: Nothing, just ignore that. I’m now listening to that song. It’s nice… really nice.
Coco: Stop changing the topic!!! Come on Mark what did you mean by that? I think you know me well enough to know that I will not let go until you explain.
(A short while later, which, to me, translated as an uncomfortable silence)
Coco: Well?
Jazzy: Gosh, don’t make a big deal out of it. I just meant that me giving you a massage would just put me in a tricky situation.
Coco: Tricky? What do you mean?
Jazzy: Jessica, stop playing dumb. You know what I mean.
Coco: No I do not. I wouldn’t be asking if I knew what you meant, OK? I just don’t want to misunderstand you.
Jazzy: I think you know how much I like you… as in I like you more than a friend.
Coco: Uh huh…
(At this point in time, I was shocked because I couldn’t believe that we were having this conversation.)
Jazzy: Yeah.
Coco: How long have you felt this way?
Jazzy: A while now… Can we please change the subject?
Coco: No… So why didn’t you say anything to me?
Jazzy: What really would I tell you? You always looked at me as your really good friend.
Coco: How do you know that?
Jazzy: Well, if the opposite is true, why haven’t you said anything to me?
Coco: Because… OK, I understand where you are coming from. I also thought you considered me a close friend.
Jazzy: Uh huh…
Coco: OK this is so weird… I can’t believe we are having this conversation.
Jazzy: Me too… I think some things are best explained face to face.
Coco: So you’ll expound on all these tomorrow?
Jazzy: Yes I will… I’m off to sleep now.
Coco: Have a good night and sweetest dreams… of me 😉
Jazzy: LOL you too… hugs and kisses!
I closed my eyes and smiled; shivering in delicious anticipation…