May 28, 2010 – This is a problem I think most people suffer silently with, if not share grudgingly with their close friends.
You finally found the ‘perfect’ guy/girl and you feel like it’s time you settled down in a steady relationship. And then that time comes when you have to meet his/her friends and you’re anxious about how they will receive you.
You’ve been hearing about them (particularly about this one person that your partner regards highly) and can’t wait to meet them too. Then you find out it is their best friend and is a member of the opposite sex. Great!!
The first thing that you experience is insecurity brought about by doubt. This comes after a few comments made by your partner about sentiments that were made by this so-called best friend. Hmmm…interesting.
These sentiments are usually not positive given the circumstances. It usually begins with a snide remark of whether you really are the right person for the ‘job’ down to your different tastes in clothing-as if that should matter.
Soon, you start getting irritated by your partner’s faith in this best friend, maybe because it becomes more of a daily ritual. The persistent petty calls, the innocent visits, the trusting of their opinions, the constant mentioning in between conversations…start to overwhelm you.
You ask yourself whether this best friend is after your significant other, but a little saint gives you the benefit of the doubt and you shrug off the matter. Deep down you know it’s a source for concern.
So should your spouse really need a best friend if he/she has you, moreover from the opposite sex? Are they really necessary? Think about it for just a second. A partner should always be there for you in times of need or any related matters. That’s basically the driving force of a steady relationship, right? But if they need help on sensitive topics, of course there are always the same-sex pals who will always be ready to lend a hand. Trouble comes in when your partner starts preferring the company or even opinions of the best friend to yours. It becomes more of a pestering wound than a problem.
Let’s try and get to the bottom of this:
They once dated but it didn’t work out. If you dig deep, most of these cases started like that. They were previously tight pals then some devil convinced them that they would make a good couple but somewhere along the line they lost it. Back to square one again…pals…but deeper ones this time because they already know each other emotionally as well as physically. Ex’s becoming best-friends…brilliant idea? Nope; DISASTER!
They have been friends since childhood. Sweet, but not now. They are grown-ups and should behave like them but the tie is too strong. Some of these ties might be pretty harmless but some may serve as your downfall.
They just became close friends somewhere along the line. Now this is tricky because they have no history together. You cannot fully establish where the connection is thus you end up feeling even more insecure. But they do play an active part in your partners’ life.
These so-called ‘best-friends’ should never be taken for granted and once you get into a relationship you should immediately try and establish their role. If it’s threatening, do not shrug the issue off, just try and solve it there and then. Don’t make a mistake and start giving harsh ultimatums, just make it very firm where your boundaries are on certain matters. Remember that you can never fully control how your partner chooses friends but you can influence it.
Don’t take everything said personally. These “best friends” may just be trying to look out for your partners interests and it may come out the wrong way. They are humans after all.
Avoid intimidating them as this may just make them feel weary of you. The main aim being trying to find neutral friends in them and not potential enemies.
What if all of these suggestions don’t work? Well you better hope that something happens and he/she gets jailed for life… .Well, not really. I think life at times just throws challenges at us to see how strong we are. If it’s not that bad, don’t make a mountain out of it, instead try and live it down. When you think of it really, you are the winner here. You managed to make your partner choose you over them so always keep your head up.
source: gnet’s blog