May 3, 2010 – Maybe it’s all the spy-related episodes of Burn Notice that I’ve been watching lately but there’s a theory I’m currently working on.

For the past six months or so, I’ve been secretly researching the men who’ve come through my life and I have picked up on a pattern. Now I never used to be one to believe in the whole myth about the existence of the one, but lately I’m starting to have a little more faith.

Not that I’ve found Mr. Right or anything but the theory I’m working on seems to revolve around the existence of Mrs. Right – as in that one unique woman who comes into a man’s life and changes him forever. The choice of Mrs. Right of course varies depending on the man but according to my observations men might have a bit more of the hopeless romantic strain in them than we tend to give them credit for.

It’s often not intentional and most men would probably deny it if you asked them to their face but the truth is men like challenges and chases. Anything that is extra easy for them to attain will be used up and discarded just as quickly. But that special woman who comes into a man’s life and proves to be the most difficult to score will make the chase exciting. So much so that a man will lose a bit of himself in the pursuit and find himself having fallen for Mrs. Right without his own consent.

When he finally woos her successfully he’ll be blissfully happy for as long as the lady in question allows it. This will be that one time in his life where he becomes that man we are all looking for. He’ll be attentive, caring, thoughtful, and basically anything else that goes against the player code of conduct. He’ll start catching flack from his boys about how he’s gone soft while the woman attract all kinds of jealousy from her bitter single girlfriends. But none of it matters at that moment because from the look of things, love has blossomed.

The next part is the hard part but I prefer to think of it as the fun part. This is the part where it all comes crashing down. Either Mrs. Right will become bored with the relationship or she will have spotted greener pastures and chose to bail from fantasy-land. Something will happen that will lead to the woman in the picture either cheating or leaving and breaking this poor man’s heart into little tiny pieces. Then the games begin.

As if by internal instinct the previously happy and in love gentleman will build up an instant wall around his emotions and moral judgments. He won’t even realize how quickly he changes but a portion of his brain will from that moment be eternally focused on making sure he never falls for a trap like that again. This is the point where he’ll turn into the man we are all-too-familiar with. Meet the lying cheating dog.

Ladies, you all know at least one of these men. The tricky part is they sometimes come disguised as the men from our dreams until we realise that we were nothing more than a statistic and a good lay. These are the men who have been burned by Mrs. Right. The ones who allowed themselves to love at some point in their past and still carry with them all the bile from that one unfortunate experience. These are the men who will sleep with you one night and as soon as you leave their house in the morning, they call up the next woman to secure a little afternoon booty.

These men are on a mission to screw as many females as their manhood allows them to and they don’t care about the wreckage they leave in the process. Break some hearts, do some damage, its all part of their game. Now for the woman who mistakenly thinks she may be more than just a number in the body count, things never end too well. See these men already had Mrs. Right (past tense).

Meaning any time and effort you spend trying to let this guy see that you might be the one who changes his player ways is completely useless. So it doesn’t matter if you wash his dishes, learn how to cook what he likes, laugh at his stupid jokes and throw it down in the bedroom. You might as well be banging on a brick wall because he’s not going back to fantasyland. Since being burned he now resides in the land of endless possibilities and he likes it that way. Trust me, I’ve been there.

Of course I’m not saying this theory applies to all men. To the fortunate females who have managed to break the cycle: I salute you. To the rest of us living in the world I have described above I have one piece of advice. While it’s impossible to change a man into who you want him to be, the next best thing is to be fully aware of your role in his life-just to avoid confusion and unnecessary heartbreak.

If you’re his Mrs. Right: good for you, now don’t screw it up. If you happen to be Mrs. Right now aka sexual partner #169, then hey, at least you know where you stand in the bigger picture right?