I celebrated my ten month anniversary today. Not to a man, but to my having been back in Kenya for that amount of time. After spending close to half of my life in the United States, I returned late last year for good. While I had no prospects for a job or plans of how I was going to sustain myself while I was here, there was one thing that I was looking forward to seeing more of: Kenyan men.
In all my years abroad I actually dated pretty scarcely. When I did date, I made sure it was a solid, full-bred Kenyan. My parents instilled in me a strong respect for my heritage at a very young age, amidst travels to and from Kenya. So when it reached a time for me to begin thinking about dating and marriage, I knew in my heart of hearts that I would eventually return home, find that strong Kenyan man, and settle down.
So on my tenth anniversary of being back home I find myself reminiscing on the types of men I have met since I have been here. To the gentlemen reading this; it is not my intent to categorize all Kenyan men as such, these have merely been my experience. To the ladies; do me a favor and nod to yourself if you can identify with any of the prototypes I will discuss here.
Since I don’t want to single out particular people, I will relay my descriptions in types. I’m a newly single woman not in any hurry to start a new relationship, and here’s why.
In my ten months of being here, I have met and dated quite a few men, some with very attractive attributes, but all equally with traits that have served as deal-breakers in the long run. I’ve met the extremely fine, well-dressed, tall and handsome man whom every woman is instantly attracted to. I’ve met the super nice, overly-attentive dude who worships the ground I walk on. Next was the older, charming and focused man who was good with his hands and even better in the bedroom. I met another man who was more successful than any man I’ve ever dated. He owned four businesses and came from a very wealthy family. Of course, there was the young good-looking playboy who was well known, and had the hook-up to all the hottest parties and events around town. Switch now to the one who was certified fine; a model, student, and entrepreneur who worked out five times a week and had impeccable abs.
After reading that you’re probably wondering why I’m still single, and here’s why. While the traits described above were what initially attracted me to these men, equally long is the set of attributes which landed me in the predicament I am in now. Without matching trait to type, one of them was overweight with major hygiene issues (I’m sorry but finding a disgustingly unflushed toilet in your house twice in a row, and you laughing it off is not funny). Another one turned out to be a sex addict who, although he was quite endowed, was going through 3-4 women per day. Then there was the one with the really, really, (like clinically) bad breath. The first day I woke up with his tongue down my throat, I nearly fainted. Another was obsessed with his wealth and tried to buy my love with all kinds of gifts. Oh yeah, I could also never wear heels around him because of his height, and while I never was intimate with him, I often had nightmares of his beer belly swallowing me while I slept. Of course there was the one who was a bonafide womanizer, having me tag along to parties, and then macking on other girls just to show his boys how much game he had (For the record, he had a very small and strangely shaped you-know-what). One of them simply bored me to death with his lack of personality. I could go on, but those were the main turn-offs.
You see, ladies, I find myself in quite a predicament just as I’m sure many of you do from time to time. While I don’t claim myself to be perfect by any means, I like to think that I’m enough of a catch to deserve a down to earth, sensible guy. He doesn’t have to have all the money in the world or be the hottest celebrity. He doesn’t have to have walked off of the cover of a magazine or hold a world record. I just want someone who loves me for who I am. Someone who complements my shortcomings, and is committed to taking it one day at a time, so we can see together, what the future holds.
So my question is this: Is that too much to ask or should I have reluctantly overlooked the above-mentioned flaws (which to me basically signal incompatibility) to be in a relationship?
As I struggle to find the answer to that question, I’d like to go on the record and say that my experience these past ten months have not hindered me from continuing to chase my dream of finding that solid Kenyan man. I still think that one day I’ll find him. So while I don’t believe there exists a Mr. Right, I can sure as hell put my faith in Mr. Right-for-me.
Lets reassess the situation at the 12 month mark 😉