Mission Reconnect

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So, after a bit of tongue-lashing from the pulpit, our beloved “Principals” have decided to get out and “reconnect” with Kenyans.

This is definitely some good news, because it would then be possible for them to hear that Kenyans are disillusioned, frustrated and starving. In February last year, the entire country knelt down for a ‘thank you’ prayer the National Accord that saw the Principals reign on their dogs of war to get back to the kennels.

But alas, President Mwai Kibaki and Prime Minister Raila Odinga’s lieutenants fooled us all, for instead of getting into the kennels, they lured innocent Kenyans into the dog houses, while they remained outside to eat and plunder.

Now Kenyans are locked up in the filthy, smelly, cramped dens from where they can only complain as millions of litres of petroleum ‘disappear’ from storage facilities and maize ‘sneaks’ out of silos.

Additionally, any prospect of punishing those who raped, killed, maimed and turned the lives of thousands of people into a nightmare is crushed as legal processes are frustrated. In fact, Principal B (The People’s President) feels we should be punishing those who denied him a chance to reveal his carefully designed Presidential Standard. Yes, for Mr Odinga and his ODM allies, Mr Kivuitu and his gang should be hounded off to Siberia, while any Kimani, Onyango or Kipsiele who participated in killing should receive a pat on the back and told “it’s ok mate, we understand you were angry.”

Back to ‘Mission Reconnect’ and President Kibaki’s way of doing his bit is to distribute a few bags of maize and seeking to reassure people that ‘no one will die because of hunger’. Excuse me, Mr President. The Kenya Red Cross can brief you on the number of children who have died of malnutrition so far.

On the other side of the ranch, Mr Odinga was galvanising support for 2012 by promising hungry crowds at Isinya that “ODM is still strong.” Of course it is still strong, Mr Prime Minister! Ask your confidant Mr James Orengo and he will tell you even the ordinary mortal knows how strong ODM is.

“Munaiba unga na kuteremusha na mafuta (you steal flour and take it down with oil),” they told the Lands Minister recently. With such bountiful supplies of contraband, even Ali Baba was able to keep his forty thieves together.

If the two Principals were really interested in reconnecting with a disillusioned, starving nation then they ought to govern this country with a resolute hand. They should demand a proper audit of how maize bags scaled the huge silos at the National Cereals and Produce Board and ended up in Southern Sudan, or wherever. During the probe, let the likeable Agriculture Minister step aside.

They should also seek to know why Yagnesh Devani took off, and how come the country is in a constant fuel crisis. Mr Kiraitu Murungi should step aside and it should not be our business how his children or his drinking buddies perceive him.

They should ensure that all agenda items in the National Accord are implemented and the necessary laws passed by the August House.

In the meantime, I’m sorry Sirs, but your efforts will bear no fruit. Of course, I stand to be corrected.

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