It’s tricky to be a man especially when it comes to relating with the fairer sex. When you meet her over a friend’s birthday party, a buoyancy of excitement seizes you after the initial small talk develops into a rapport, which eventually qualifies you as a prospective friend at the end of the party. But since you don’t want to be friend-zoned, you make sure she knows your intention of stepping up to a date.
After mustering some courage, you finally ask her out for a date and surprises you by accepting. You hit it-off, making her laugh, finding out her interests and making mental notes of the points you are scoring. A few more dates, lots of texts exchanged and minutes on whatsapp, and its safe to assume you can move in for the kiss after dropping her off at her flat. But instead of getting a kiss back, you get a slap across your face. So what when wrong?
In a new research finding, scientists have argued that the success of relationships pegs much on how well the first kiss and subsequent ones are done. The researchers found that a relationship is likely to succeed if the first kiss is deemed as successful and done at the right time in the right way.
According to the research, done by the Clinical and Psychology research centre University of Chicago, kissing as an act of intimacy is very sensitive especially to women and thus should be done within the correct environment, time and mood. The research conducted last month had 160 volunteers (men and women in equal ratio) aged between 20 and 35 years. The group was divided into four equal sub-groups with equal proportions of both sexes and then set in varied conditions.
For the first subgroup, the gents where required to try and kiss there dates (without prior knowledge of the ladies) during the first date right at the restaurant, and the men in the second subgroup to attempt kissing during the first date while they are alone with there dates. On the other hand, the gents in the third and the fourth sub-groups were to wait until the 3rd date for them to attempt kissing. The 3rd group was to do it in public and the 4th group in private.
Collecting data through observation, the researchers led by lead researcher Dr. Orfeu Buxton found out that women were more comfortable and receptive when the men attempted kissing them after a few dates unlike the initial ones. In the first sub-group, 7 out of the 10 men were snubbed by their dates while two of them were warned and scolded for attempting to kiss in public. In the second group, men had positive responses but still 3 out of ten failed. Two did not attempt.
“When you try kissing her in front of your friends, she’ll think you’re trying to show her off as a trophy and thus humiliates you by avoiding/ignoring it,” Says Dr Buxton, advising that it is always wise when you do not portray yourself to her as over-aggressive during the initial dates.
But Dr Dorcas Gacutha, a counseling psychologist based in Nairobi refutes this claim intimating that people have different personalities.
“The recommendations by this research can only be applied sparingly and not generally as people are not homogenous in their manifestation of character and/or feelings receptiveness,” she contends.
In a separate research done in Holland, Researchers recommended that couples should wait until their have wedded for the first kiss. Now that sounds old school for a country that is known to have the biggest red light district (prostitutes market) in the world, doesn’t it?