Arguing with a woman, especially one you are in love with her is outrightly ugly and dirty just like the trench warfare. This is largely because women are innately wired with an uncanny ability to win arguments. They can and will use anything you say in defence against you. It’s like trying to use petrol to put out an inferno. Logic and facts have no place in emotion-charged arguments. The following are 7 tips on how to argue with a woman and actually win.
1) Use her own words against her
When your lady begins spitting venom listen to her very carefully. Blinded with anger, she is bound to call you all sorts of names. Thank God if she calls you a monkey! It may not ruffle your feathers at all but it’s still a silver bullet you should never waste. “Did you just call me a monkey? Do I Iook like a monkey? Are you insinuating I stink like a monkey? Did you just compare my IQ to that of a lice infested primate?”
Make a mountain out of whatever name she calls and ignore any efforts to drift the argument back to the contentious issues till she gives up on it all together.
2) Guilty trip her
Women are emotional beings and have a prickly conscience, use that to your advantage. If she storms into your room frothing with anger, sit back and let her shout herself hoarse. When she gives you an opportunity to respond, put on a sad face, force some moisture into your eyes while looking deep into hers. With a low-pitched voice tell her how much you care, love her and all you ever wanted is to make her happy.
This is the time you chant all the good virtues she possesses, how she is a blessing to you, how wicked you are that you completely don’t deserve her. Then sincerely convince her how scared you are of losing such an angel that just the thought of it gives you sleepless nights. Unless she is a descendant of jezebel her protective instinct will kick in and she would forget what she was angry about and reassure you of her undying love.
3) Acknowledge your mistakes
Sometimes the smartest thing is to lose the argument only to win back her affection. Women want to feel unique and feel respected. The emphasis here is on feel. You don’t need to actually listen to her rants but you have to make her feel like she has your full attention.
Whatever she accuses you of simply reply with “Babe I’m so sorry… You are absolutely right!… what can I possibly do to make it right?” Acknowledging your mistakes should only be done when you realize losing the argument is inevitable. This gives you a chance to lose gracefully plus you get to have a delicious meal and someone to warm your bed as a consolation.
4) Deflate her rage
There are times when you just don’t have the energy to argue yet there she is, convinced you are the sole cause of global warming. The trick is to deflate her rage. Sweep her off her feet then spin around or pull her close and hug tightly, remember this only works if you catch her unawares.
Then whispering into her ear remind her of your happy times together, how smitten you were when you first laid eyes on her and how she is the greatest thing that has ever happened to you. Does she like it when you kiss her neck while hugging from behind? Good, do that and in a few minutes her rage would be completely deflated.
5) Fight back with trivial and disjointed arguments
Going head-to-head with a lady only works if you can speak faster than Busta Rhymes otherwise you are bound to lose. As she castigates you for whatever you supposedly did or forgot to shoot back with trivial arguments like how she smudged your favourite white shirt with her lipstick, kicked your neighbour’s dog (or cat), delete a very important document on your computer or put too much salt in your food yet your family has a long history of hypertension.
Since most of these accusations may not be entirely true don’t give her a chance to respond. Never stop talking until she gives up arguing. In a conciliatory tone end the argument by saying “All I want is for us to work together and solve our differences” This will leave her unsure whether she lost or won the argument.
6) Silent treatment
Silence is a weapon ladies use more often than not to get things done their way, using the same against her can work wonders. When she starts an argument sit back and stare at her blankly, don’t flinch even when she digs into your atrocious past or hits below the belt.
When she is done ranting expecting you to fight back, get up and leave without uttering a single word. Go hang out with the boys and switch off your phone. When her anger subsidizes she will start worrying where you are, why you didn’t fight or if she was too hard on you. There is a higher likelihood of her calling and texting to apologize. Refusing to participate is a tie which is as good as a win.
7) Run at the sight of the waterworks
When a woman feels like she is about to lose an argument, she unleashes her ultimate weapon, tears. They might as well be crocodile tears yet their effect on men would still be shattering. Once you realise she is about to turn on the waterworks you only have two viable options, both apologize and solemnly swear to make it up to her or run away.
Sometimes back I was arguing with some lady around River Road when she did the unthinkable, shed tears in public. Before a teardrop hit the tarmac, I was surrounded by 8 menacing looking men. “umefanyia nini mrembo?” barked some Rasta man as he grab my shirt’s collar sending a few buttons flying off. I quickly explained that she was my date and showed pics on my phone to collaborate my story.
Just when I thought I was off the hook, the guy on my left leaned closer, smiling sardonically he whispered into my ear “Mimi napenda kula wanaume!” Never before in my life have I been that scared! I quickly dug into my pockets and dished out all the cash I had like some Politian.
Ever since I run away at the slightest sight of impending waterworks!