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The problem with Arsenal fans

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I have a problem with fellow comrades who are staunch soccer fans.  Arsenal fans to begin with. Of course I’m a diehard soccer fan myself too. I’ve been Team Chelsea since 2004 thanks to Abramovich  or ‘Apramochich; as my friend Wekesa calls him. The Russian Tycoon transformed Chelsea to a club I have come to love so dearly. I could literally dump my girlfriend for Chelsea if need be.  Before 2004, I was still a kid who supported the real Madrid galacticos. Enough said. This is an all-out attack on Arsenal fans. You know I love you all but let’s begin, shall we?

Arsenal supporters are like bad air. You are the guys who fill up every TV room in campus. On a Saturday morning, you find Arsenal fans hanging around the TV room waiting for the housekeeper to open the door so that they can book seats for a match which starts at five in the evening. Items used to book seats include heavy stones and heavy logs – Gor artillery right there. These are the guys who made me quit staying in hostels in first year.

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Things get worse during Champions League nights especially in the rare occasion when Arsenal wins.  The Arsenal die-hards make enough noise to awaken the whole of Kenyatta University and its environs. When a match is ongoing, Arsenal fans who didn’t manage to get seats climb trees or carry each other just to get a clear bird’s eye view through the window and onto the TV. Amazing.

Damn, I love you Arsenal fans. Without you, football wouldn’t have the drama. Why should you wear a 2004 Thierry Henry jersey in 2013 though? I understand that Arsenal used to be Arsenal those days, as a layman would say it but living on past glory hinders progress.  Why Arsenal fans are so passionate about their team should qualify as a serious wonder. Eight years shooting blanks is a long time.

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Sexy football huh? Sexy football is the justification that Arsenal fans use in their defense. I now understand the loud screaming when they finish fourth in the Premier League.  What good is a sexy woman to you if she doesn’t give you any? Picture it that way. I know there are many occasions during which Arsenal fans hope and hope that those sexy passes will produce a goal. Just the way a teenage boy looks and looks at Beyoncé but there’s nothing he can do.

During transfer windows, Arsenal ais always linked to great players. Arsenal has been linked to every great player that has emerged over the last 20 years. They were linked to Ronaldinho, Christiano, Messi, Hazard and now, Wanyama. These players have all gone to shun Arsenal in favor of other big clubs and they end up achieving phenomenal success. This time Rooney has been heavily linked with them. The next thing you will here is Rooney signs a contract with Real Madrid, Barcelona or Bayern Munich. Where was Arsenal ? One might ask. Okay, see you next season.

Next up on my firing line – Manchester United fans

 

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