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The only woman who knows about her man’s whereabouts is a widow

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missing man

To say I am utterly devastated will be an understatement. I just found out my husband of six years has been sleeping with my sister. I don’t know what to do. My heart is broken into pieces. I have literally cried my eyes out. I am confused and hurt beyond consolation. Friends, please pray for me and my children. Read a friend’s Facebook post last week.

Within an hour, her post had attracted hundreds of comments from friends, colleagues and strangers. Most did their best to encourage her. Others were slightly shrewd. They called her husband, and by extension men, all kind of names. From those who shared their personal experiences of how they were used and dumped; to those who didn’t mince their words partly putting the blame on her for her man’s wandering appendage – her post was filled with all type of ‘encouragement and rebuke’.

I finally managed to get hold of her on the phone after a million attempts. She sounded devastated and completely heartbroken. I know you are going to write about this on your blog. She said trying unsuccessfully to indulge me in her dry laugh. Just make sure you don’t reveal my identity. She sternly added. Curiously, I had two questions for her. I wanted to know how she found out her husband was broadcasting his wild oats to a neighbouring cleavage, and secondly, what she plans to do. “I have come to believe that the only woman who knows about her man’s whereabouts is a widow,” she said before politely hanging up.

A day later, she kicked the brother out of their marital home with all his earthly possessions. Ok, at least his fancy suits and comic books. Today morning, she is scheduled to file for divorce at the Milimani High Court in Nairobi. She says she’s prepared for war for the custody of their children and sharing of their property. The brother with his unbridled ego, the gods tell me, has assembled a group of top notch lawyers in town. This, I tell you will be one long drawn battle.

‘Non-issue’
As I wish my friend all the best in her upcoming mother of all legal battles, frankly speaking, I can’t help but pity my generation looking at the way we casually treat relationships and marriage. Trust, patience, tolerance, honesty, faithfulness, love and commitment have stopped being the fabric and basic foundation of relationships and marriages. Instead, they have been replaced by self-centredness, self-importance, and self-righteousness. Nowadays, cheating on your spouse isn’t regarded as a big deal. In fact, to some it seems to be a non-issue (come on, had to use the word!).

I always say that no matter how hawk-eyed you watch over your partner – you know, the sneaky reading of messages on their phone, searching their pockets for evidence or monitoring their movements – if a man or a woman wants to cheat on you, sweetheart, come sunshine or rain – nothing will stop them. They will still find ways of cheating on you under your very nose. Its all about personal choice and decision. Let no one tell you, sijui it just happened. That’s a bowl of fresh bullshit.

I know no one is perfect. I also know we all get tempted. We all, ok at least most of us, get ‘chased after’ by secret and not so secret admirers. But it takes a man and woman of principle, values and morals to be faithful to their spouse. Unless you are ready to be in a relationship or marriage, I don’t see the reason why you should rush into it for conformity, identity or validation. How about you remain single, and sleep around all you want? Don’t pretend to love someone and end up breaking their hearts and utterly destroying their lives, and the lives of your children. And to my sisters who are always in a constant mood of suspecting their man is cheating – honey, what the hell are you still doing with the brother if you can’t trust him?

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