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Ladies, its your fault if he plays you

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Image Credit Kendy Joseph - Chevelin Illustration 2015
Image Credit © Kendy Joseph – Chevelin Illustration 2015

Joe meets Sharon. Gets swept heads over heels. Brother is wildly smitten. For a couple of months, he runs over town like a headless chicken, impressing his new flame with dinner and movie dates. To spice it up, he even proudly parades her to his boys (for affirmation, perhaps). Though its not exactly his thing, he nonetheless shows up with her at the Koroga Festival and Blankets and Wines. Mwanaumeni effort, he reassures himself as he’s dragged along to some wedding.

But then again, who wouldn’t fall for Sharon. For starters, she is stunningly dead drop gorgeous, almost on the verge of being consumed by her own beauty. A rather beautiful pretty thing, she’s categorically stunning and legally hot. She looks elegant without trying too hard, and has this quirky, slapstick-style humour, which naturally attracts anyone, especially Joe to her. To cap it all, she has an exotic look, is appetisingly sexy, intelligent, well-educated and independent (read her bank account could feed my village for a year).

‘Put a ring on it”
Their social media pages are splashed with photos of two lovebirds who don’t seem to get enough of each other. The two are obviously in love. Soul mates. Made for each other. Born to be together, or so the world thinks. Now, this is the problem that very few know about Sharon. As much as she’s in love with this great guy, her inhibition isn’t settled. The sex is amazing. The romantic escapades is what any girl would die for. He treats her with respect, love and care. He’s clearly Mr. Right. No question about it. Only problem is – he never talks about settling downYou know put a ring on it. In fact, she has never met his family. The closest she came to that was a rugged photo of Joe’s parents hidden in the darkest memory of his Smartphone.

She has tried to bring up her concerns regarding the future of their relationship to him. You know the we need to talk-like conversations, but all she gets is let’s take things slowly, baby, and see where it ends, you know what I’m saying. She’s heard about this you know what I’m saying rhetoric enough time to the point that her heart bleeds inside. She’s insecure, confused and as a matter of fact, she has began to have doubts whether Joe is simply using her and whether he’s fully committed to settling down with her.

Who would blame her for being insecure, anyway? After all, she will be hitting 30 soon. An age, where she was hoping to have settled down, and be nursing two rascals in the very least. For Joe though, he’s still caught up in the there’s no hurry in Africa mentality. At times after he irrigates his throat with one too many Scottish blended Whiskey, he would be heard yapping something in the line of he’s yet not ready. He still needs to make enough money, travel the world, meet new people, you know live life first – before he settles down, if he ever will.

‘it probably is a duck’
I wonder loudly about how many ladies out there are caught in Sharon’s situation? You have been dating this nice chap for ages, but there’s no sign whatsoever that he’s ready to settle down with you, or worst still settle down anyway. Perhaps he’s been promising you castles in the air, or even probably splashing you with all the promotional gifts Nakumatt can unleash. But in all his goodness, mercy and love, he doesn’t seem to be putting a ring on it, or least of them introduce you to his folks. Well, if you are in this dilemma, sweetheart allow me to humbly break this to you – if it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it probably is a duck. Grab a pen and paper, honey, its time to go to school.

Stop bothering God with long unwinding tearful prayers about your man. God has given you a brain and five common senses. Use them baby gal. The writing is on the wall. It’s not rocket science. If a guy seems jumpy, undecided, doggy, non-committal, smooth, and unresponsive about his commitment, and more importantly his future with you, don’t waste your time, sitting around, hoping that he will change – sweetheart, that brother isn’t going nowhere with you. Please write this on your forehead, hang it on your wall, save it as your wall paper: If a man wants you, NOTHING (even his parents and sijui that tribe rhetoric) can keep him away from you. If he doesn’t want you, nothing (including the awesome sex) can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for the brother and his non-committal behaviour. Save yourself from a major heartbreak sooner if you can. Unless of course, you plan to start a blog a few years from now where you will be ranting and bitching about how dare he fuck me for ten years and end up marrying my best friend!? Stop trying to change yourself, or change someone for a relationship that was never meant to be. The only person you can change in a relationship is you. Avoid brothers who are simply only after enjoying the milk without looking for pastures. Brothers who are only after enjoying the well-manicured grass without moaning the lawn. Stop wasting your time chasing the wind.

The answers you are looking for and praying for are all splashed by life in front of you: If he seems undecided, confused and non-committal in settling down with you – if he hesitates taking the relationship to the next level – if he’s uneasy introducing you to his family (always giving rehearsed and almost ridiculous answers) – if he gets mad every time you bring up the putting a ring on it conversation – well, baby girl, if I was you, I would literally be running for my life right now. That brother ain’t taking you anywhere except from the bedroom to the kitchen, and back. If he’s a smart crafty one, then the furthest he would take your ass is to some lowly budgeted Naivasha trip, a Sunday drive to Kikopey, or better still a low-cost Jambo Jet flight to Mombasa. So, next time before you jump on rooftops and rant about men being dogs, how about you first look for answers right under your powdered nose.

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