Have you ever been in a relationship with someone and thought to yourself how messed up you are, it’s like you never seem to do anything right in your partners view. For some reason you feel less than they are, not because of anything in particular such as material status, it has more to do with your self-esteem. They may be constantly talking down to you, making you feel like the child in the relationship even though they are an adult as well. You even resort to Self-help books to help demystify what is wrong.
Ever wonder about a possibility that your partner may be the problem and not you? I mean, when you analyze their behaviors do you ever think that they may have a borderline personality disorder?
If you are like me and have asked yourself what borderline personality means, well here are a few signs:
1. He/she apologizes a lot
Every time they make a mistake they apologize, but the problem lays in the fact that they repeatedly make the same mistake, which then starts to feel like they are trying your patience just to see your reaction. Crazy right? Obviously, this drives you up the wall however, you grow more tolerant and patient to deal with their mishaps.
2.They are indecisive
There is nothing worse than dealing with an indecisive person, it is like dealing with a confused child at the candy store. The person will take hours to make a decision, all in a bid to avoid making the wrong one. It’s like they feel the need to be perfect at all times, and come to think of it, who does not make mistakes? But your partner feels affirmed by being a perfectionist and getting a pat on the back for being 100 percent correct.
3.He/She self-sabotages a lot
If you have watched Girlfriends, Tracee Elis Ross plays a character who will go with just about anything and everything, then when stuff goes wrong she will sit in her misery and wimp about it. It is like a never-ending sea of self-doubt as she tries to reflect on what she did wrong and revisiting the issue which only leads to her feeling like less of a person. Then she hooks up with a person who has to affirm her every time because this whole self-sabotaging behavior has become a norm for her.
4.They will always change the subject if they hate the subject
It comes naturally to them, every time you bring up something they detest, they automatically will change the subject to avoid dealing with the issue at hand. In some ways, it’s a defense mechanism to stop them from going down that ditch of self-pity and the what could have been an engaging conversation.
5.They constantly nag at you asking you if they upset you
This can be dreary, especially if the person keeps asking that question. You wonder why they are asking a silly question like that when you are moody and just want to be left alone. However they assume that they are the cause of your unhappiness, which is pretty presumptuous come to think of it, but they are only trying to get validation when they ask that question.
6.Their feelings are exaggerated.
This applies to both their good and bad feelings. They are what many would like to call extremists. In that when they are happy, you will definitely know, they go out of their way to buy you gifts and will not mind overspending, now the tricky part comes to when they are moody or angry. It will be the complete opposite, you should avoid them at all costs to protect yourself from offending them lest they let out their hurricane of emotions on you. Some might even go to the point where they ignore their partner’s calls and messages just to let them deal.
7.They are irrational and often have outbursts when plans do not go according to them.
Everybody gets disappointed, but in their book, you are not to upset them or do anything to aggravate them. They get extremely upset when they do not get what they want, which could lead to the person making irrational decisions such as calling off a relationship when it is not working for them! You never know what to expect from them. It is like a seesaw, they will change their opinions in the glimpse of a second and they could end up hurting the other partner in most cases.
These are just a few of the telltale signs you should look out for. My advice is if you love the person help them work through their issues, however, if you feel overwhelmed by them, then they may not be the right match for you.
However, it is also important to note that being a borderline personality is usually as a result of experiences that happened in the person’s life that could be the reason they act irrational and abnormal. This is not to excuse the behavior but to say that it can be changed with necessary help and support. You might be scared to learn, everyone has different degrees of being borderline, so help your partner through it if you have the will.