Men, an endangered species

May 25, 2009 12:00 am

, NAIROBI, Kenya, May 26 – I don’t know this of my own personal knowledge, you understand, but I’ve heard that when you hardly have a social life due to various ongoing changes in your life, you’re likely to catch an old Tyra Banks show on KTN, late on a Saturday night (while throwing various calorie-ridden things into your mouth that you really shouldn’t be.)

And as you watch, your eyes are likely to widen several times at what you’re hearing, last Saturday being no exception. See, apparently, one of the many things that are alarming ‘sexperts’ in America is that bisexuality is sharply on the rise. More and more young women are openly declaring that they are bisexual –and many are choosing a female companion, over a male one.

Bisexuality is a physical attraction to people of both male and female genders, and is arguably being tagged ‘the third sexual orientation.’

Surrounded by controversy and opposition, Alfred Kinsey famously conducted research into human sexuality in the mid-20th century, which is still widely used in describing the range of human sexuality today.

One of his findings was that many humans cannot truly term themselves 100 percent heterosexual nor 100 percent homosexual, but rather somewhere between.

The Kinsey scale measures sexual attraction and behaviour on a seven-point range ranging from zero (exclusively heterosexual) to six (exclusively homosexual). According to his study, a substantial number of people fall within the range of one to five (between heterosexual and homosexual)… What do you think?

The issue was brought to the fore; perhaps, by MTV’s airing of the reality show ‘A Shot At Love’ with Tila Tequila.

Tila (the show’s star) had already attained online fame via her Myspace page when she announced her quest for the perfect mate… male or female. In the show, Tila has the chance to put both males and females through tests, eliminating them each in episode until she is left with her final choice.

In the first season, Tila wound up with a male, but, for whatever reason, they never actually dated. The winner of the second season was an inexperienced female, who changed her mind about entering a lesbian relationship at the last moment, and left Tila hanging. The show’s ratings were premium, and millions tuned in to watch each instalment.

Most bisexuals describe themselves as being emotionally, sexually and/or romantically attracted to both women and men and feel capable of loving and forming relationships with either. The gender of the person they find attractive is significantly less important than who the person is. This does not mean, however, that bisexuality is a phase through which people pass from heterosexuality to homosexuality or vice versa.

Retournons à nos moutons, as the French say (back to the subject). If the trend for girls and young women is increasingly to choose a mate of their own sex – are men actually on the way out? A friend brushed my question off nonchalantly. Even with some “confused” women all over the place, he says firmly and confidently, there will remain enough “normal” ones for men to have.

But I think of the show, and the young women I saw there, explaining their feelings:

“She’s my best friend,” one female guest simply stated. “I love her.” 

“There’s simply more connection between two girls than there is with a guy,” another confirmed.

“It’s comfortable.”

And it’s TRUE. The intimacy between two women, the solidarity that entwines them, the understanding that underlines all their interaction, is nowhere near that between a man and a woman. Add the sex and, well…

But don’t get me wrong. Not only am I completely a man’s woman, but I also completely disapprove of any variant of homosexuality. I do not condone it, although I am completely tolerant of homosexuals. I love the sinner, not the sin.

It’s alarming to me, that both homo- and bisexuality are becoming so ‘trendy’ (for heaven’s sake, there’s ACTUALLY no better word.)  I feel like screaming to my peers who ‘experiment’, as well as to the youth, unwittingly coming up behind us: “IT’S NOT COOL!!! IT’S ONLY SICK, AND VERY DEGRADING.”

It’s alarming that even the laws in leading Western countries are beginning to bend in acceptance of homosexuality, to such an extent as it seems they shall (eventually) be afforded all of the rights of a ‘normal’ couple… including with regard to children.

Another common and widespread misperception is that all bisexuals are promiscuous. As my friend says, “Cheating is cheating.” He says that it isn’t even about sexual orientation –it’s pure and utter selfishness. It’s about someone wanting her cake and eating it too. He says of his hypothetical girlfriend: “She wants to have me, and she wants to have the other chick –but she’s too jealous to introduce us. She’s scared her and I may fall in love. So she wants us individually. It’s plain and simple CHEATING.”

But my friend has a flaw in his heated argument. Were his partner willing, he would joyfully embrace the literal ménage à trois. “It would be just like having two wives!”

“I’m too jealous,” Benny says. “Even if we were to have a threesome (the renowned male fantasy) it would have to be just once.” Emotional involvement between his partner and her girlfriend, he says, would be too much to bear.

To my surprise, Steve was quite vocal about this: “You chicks need to rethink men altogether. You need to stop thinking that we are objects. We FEEL too. We GET HURT too. We CRY too.” Those women who insist on objectifying men, he concluded, may as well go on to the other side. They’ll never get the guy.”


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