by Debbie Harrower
It’s not true that all men cheat. There are definitely still good guys out there. Don’t let your trust issues drive a good man away …
No guarantees
When it comes to life and love, there are never any guarantees. Anything can happen at any moment and that’s what makes things both exciting and terrifying at the same time.
I know it’s really difficult not to worry about the man in your life cheating on you – especially if you’ve been cheated on before. Trust issues? We all have them. I say ‘all’ because I have yet to meet a woman who has never been cheated on.
The scars that cheating leaves behind are nasty and they’re deep
I’ve been cheated on – more than once. It crushed every bit of self-esteem I had and turned me into an insecure, obsessive mess for far too long. Literally. I also became one of those women who believed that all men will cheat given the opportunity.
A few years, lots of healing and happiness later, I have changed my mind
Please note, I have CHANGED my mind – not lost it. I’m still hugely aware of the fact that temptation can come knocking at any time. And, I still think that there are too many men who will open the door when they hear that ‘knock’. BUT … in amongst all those pathetic weaklings (men who cheat are weak), there are good men who have no interest in cheating on the woman in their life.
So, how can you tell if you’re with someone who is highly unlikely to cheat on you?
His past tells you a story
No bad reputation rumours or stories? Never cheated on any of his exes? He’s probably a keeper.
Unless you know your man has cheated on you or anyone else in his past, you should try to relax and let the trust boat float.
PS: If he has cheated on you before, why are you still with him? History WILL repeat itself. Believe me, I’ve been there, done that – have the T-shirt, matching shorts and shoes. Not worth it!
Who’s your daddy?
Look at the man who raised your partner. If he passed away before you had the chance to meet, ask about him. Ask your man, ask his mom – get a good idea of who the man behind the boy was all those years ago.
A man who has been raised by a father who openly showed love, kindness, loyalty and respect for his mother and never cheated on her, is a man who has been shown by example, the correct way to treat the woman in his life.
Is a good upbringing a guarantee? No. Like I said earlier, there are no guarantees. But, if you’ve been with him for a while and he’s never done anything to validate your trust issues, he’s more than likely absorbed his fathers good qualities and will treat you the way he knows is right.
Faithful, decent friends
When I started dating my partner, I remember being so impressed by his circle of friends. Most were either in long-term relationships or engaged / married. Those who were single, truly wanted to meet a special woman and settle down.
Unlike my ex and his friends who were either serial cheaters, divorced, never wanted to get married or were out, hopping from one cheap and tacky fling to the next.
My partner is now my husband. To date, there has not been one cheating drama in our group of friends. Every single one of the women who is married to or involved with one of his friends, is happy and content.
Who a man chooses to spend his time with tells a story. Look and listen closely.
SEE MORE: www.all4women.co.za
He’s chilled (not secretive) with his phone and iPad
A man with something to hide is not going to want you anywhere near his phone or computer. My ex was always super-beyond shady with his phone. Why? He was cheating left, right and centre.
Going on what I’ve experienced (my ex and my husband are like night and day) if your partner has no problem with you picking up his phone or needing to use his computer (for whatever reason) – chances are really good that he’s an honest man with no desire for a piece of pie on the side.
Your presence is important to him and he is fully into your relationship
Whether you’re married, living together or dating, a man who has good intentions makes it patently clear for you and everyone else to see.
He clearly enjoys spending time with you, even if it’s at home on the couch. You will be invited out with him and his friends and he’s proud and happy to have you there (obviously not when it’s not a ‘boys night’ or bulls party – you can’t live in his pocket).
When there’s a wedding or work function, you being there is of utmost importance to him. You feel as though he wants the world to know that you’re his woman.
I have heard about men who are in a relationship but as soon as they go out, even if their girlfriend is there, they ditch her and wander around the pub / club acting like they are single and ready to mingle.
He’s open with you and his actions speak volumes
While no normal woman is going to want a daily, minute-by-minute run down, it’s not nice when a man leaves his woman hanging / wondering about what’s going on in his life, his heart and his mind.
Again, going on my personal experience, a man who is 100% into you and the relationship he shares with you, finds it almost effortless to communicate with you about anything and everything. He will want you to hear or learn about things directly from him, not have something pop up in some public, random conversation.
For example, if a woman from his past sends him a text, he not only tells you about it, he shows you the message as well as his response. Or, if someone at work is flirting with him, knowing he has someone in his life, he cares enough to let you know what’s happening and tells you how he’s dealing with it and might even ask for your advice.
A man who goes the extra mile to make his woman feel safe and secure in his love for her, not just by what he says, but by what he does on a daily basis, is not someone who’s going to rush out and cheat.