Many people do wrong yet they are not aware. Take time to reflect. What kind of a spouse are you?
1. “The Absent one”
Do you find yourself spending most of your active time away from home? Do you find yourself desiring to spend less of your time away from your spouse? Have you reduced your marital home into a lodging place where you come late at night only to sleep then leave in the morning? This is dangerous. People don’t get married in order to feel neglected, you are meant to be a companion to your spouse. Become active in your home, deliberately make time to stay at home, time for your spouse and children. Always ask yourself, does my wife feel she has a husband/does my husband feel he has a wife?
2. “The unsure one”
You are married, but do you still find yourself doubting whether you married the right one? Analyze yourself, do you feel that you are not fully giving your all in your marriage, it’s like you’re waiting for something? Do you find yourself comparing your spouse with others? This is dangerous. Love works best and is only fruitful when you both give your all. It is foolish to complain about your marriage yet you’re not giving your 100% effort. The sooner you decide you will fully be in your marriage, the sooner you will see the fruits of love. This is real life.
3. “The chauvinist one”
As a man, do you find yourself looking down on your wife or women in general? Do you find yourself wanting to dominate and lord over your wife? Are you a dictator in your marriage? Do you have the false view of what a wife’s submission to her husband means? This is dangerous. Stop treating your wife as your junior or your subordinate. Stop speaking words that make your wife feel enslaved. Stop using a tone that is condescending or giving orders. Work on how you relate with your wife. Your role as her husband is to love on her. Loving means serving her, seeing her as an equal partner in your marriage; looking at yourself not as her master, but her best friend.
4. “The over feminist one”
As a woman, do you find yourself wanting to prove to your husband that even you can do what he does, even better? Have you been taking the message of woman empowerment too far to the point that you are no longer loving and warm but militant; ever looking for ways to show your power? This is dangerous. Husbands and wives are meant to compliment each other, not compete. You two can actually live in harmony. Don’t harden your heart, relax; love and be loved.
5. “The complaining one”
Are you constantly focusing on the wrongs your spouse does or the things lacking in your marriage? Are you constantly, whining and negative? This is dangerous. You will fail to see the progress in your marriage. Marriage is a journey of love, not an event of perfection. There is so much good in your spouse and your marriage but you will not see it if you keep searching and recording failures, short comings and mistakes. Learn to be patient.
6. “The secretive one”
Are you inclined to keeping things from your spouse? You hide secrets and rarely disclose things? You edit what you tell your spouse and in a weird way convince yourself that you are doing so to protect your spouse? This is dangerous and will lead to your spouse being suspicious of you and distant from you. Your spouse is an adult and can handle the truth, learn to open up and make decisions with your spouse.
7. “The unforgiving one”
Is there one thing or things you still hold against your spouse? Something your spouse did that you keep reminding him/her of? Is your forgiveness real or do you say “I forgive you” but deep down you define your spouse by a wrong he/she did? This is dangerous. Your marriage will never blossom when you hold on to the past.
8. “The lazy one”
Do you take time to invest and put effort in your marriage? Or do you not bother at all? Is your spouse putting effort to pray for your marriage, read about marriage, self building but you are just there? Caring less? This is dangerous. Nothing grows without consistent and deliberate effort. Stop being lazy.
9. “The uncooperative one”
Are you hard to work with? Are you difficult to love? Difficult to please? Difficult to talk to,to plan things and to live with? Do you turn things into a fight? Do you always have to win an argument or conversation? Do you just stubbornly choose not to do as agreed or are great at giving excuses? This is dangerous. Marriage is a partnership, teamwork. If you become a stumbling block or a hurdle, your marriage will be a burden. Choose to be a blessing.
10. “The public image driven one”
Are you so concerned about your public image that you’re focusing more on pleasing outsiders than your own spouse? Are you giving out money to family and outsiders yet your spouse and family is in need? Do you have a good reputation outside the home but in the house, your spouse sees a different you? Are you chasing after the applause of the public as you hurt your spouse? Are you paying more attention to outsiders than you do to your spouse? This is dangerous. Your spouse ought to be your priority. The public actually doesn’t even care about you that much, some will even use you. But your family and spouse will be there for life. Get your priorities in order.