When lovers have been together for a while, it is easy for the fire and intimacy to die down. The passion may not be as it used to be, the marriage can be reduced to a set of boring routine and the excitement can become flat. The first step to getting the fire back is to accept that things have changed for the worse and acknowledgement that for the rekindle to occur, there must be active effort put by both. The fire can be rekindled when you:
1. “Change your look”
If corporate brands change their look after a few years to appeal to the market, also change your look to appeal to your lover. No matter how good you’ve been dressing, your lover is already used to it. Buy new clothes, buy new underwear, new lingerie, try a new hairstyle, work out for a finer physique so that your lover sees you in a new exciting light; re-brand.
2. “Move to a new house”
Changing the environment can help in exciting the senses and add wonder when you are together.
3. “Do a bedroom make over”
Rearrange things, discard old stuff, buy need stuff, paint the walls a different color; monotony is boring. The bedroom should be the most desirable room to be in, change your bedroom settings and do it together so that you both own the make over.
4. “Apologize and forgive”
It is hard to have intimacy when issues are unresolved and hidden under the carpet. Don’t run away from issues, issues are normal in relationships; love is not the absence of issues, love is the capacity to keep issues from poisoning your warmth. Apologize when you wrong, forgive when wronged.
5. “Go out on dates”
Go for a holiday, a picnic, a date outside together. A different set up makes you two focus on each other in the thrill of a new venue.
6. “Say no to porn”
Many couples think watching pornography together is good but it is dangerous. Ask yourself, why do people watch porn? – for sexual stimulation… Depending on porn for sexual stimulation robs your spouse of the full power to stimulate you. Does it mean that your spouse lacks capacity to stimulate you? If so, watching porn doesn’t help but makes the situation worse. Porn makes sex cheap and yet the act is part of intimacy. Bring intimacy back, turn off the porn so that your spouse has your full surrender and attention and you are both forced to try as hard as you can to turn each other on and make that climax not just the most intense but the most special.
7. “Commit afresh”
As your fire has been dwindling, questions have lingered in your lover and you. “Do you love me the same? Do you even love me at all?”… Allay those fears by reaffirming your love for each other. This is why some couples celebrate Anniversaries. Affirmation demolishes the doubts and frees both of you to keep giving your all.
8. “Keep the child/children away”
It’s good to have kids and to be around them, but sometimes keep the children away so that mum and dad can have their alone time. Protect your love from the children’s interference, for if your love is messed up the quality of your parenthood will suffer too.
9. “Avoid hurting”
Minimize hurting, refrain from hurting each other. A hurting heart finds it difficult to fire up to intimacy.
10. “Kiss more”
Kissing brings two people together, the more you kiss the more you melt to intimacy. Deep, long, passionate kisses.
God cares about your sex life and intimacy; take your sex and intimacy problems to God together.
12. “Allocate quality time”
Don’t be passive but actively schedule uninterrupted time. Too many couples dangerously find themselves going through the motions, other things have priority but time together is a by the way.
13. “Have a no work time zone”
It is good to work for your family but your work shouldn’t come between you and your spouse. Don’t carry work to the bedroom or make your spouse feel denied your attention because you wedded your spouse but you’re married to your work.
14. “Keep technology away”
Technology can be harmful to your intimacy if it’s left to disrupt your time together. Your lover wants to talk to you, to kiss you, to cuddle, to make love, to have your undivided attention but your eyes are busy playing a game on the tablet, chatting on phone, Facebooking, Tweeting, Instagraming. For the sake of love, put away the gadget.
15. “Dance more”
Dancing adds to the fire; it doesn’t matter how great a dancer you are or your lover is. Sensual dancing is most ideal for intimacy; salsa, lingala, slow dancing as your bodies grind together.
16. “Have pillow talks”
As the rest of the world is chased away, recline on the bed and have pillow talks. Talks not about bills, responsibilities but about love, emotions, feelings, sex and thoughts.
17. “Write love letters”
Leave notes for each other written sweet stuff, leave a note for her on the bed or a note for him in his laptop. Something to make him/her smile, something short and sweet made personal by your handwriting.
18. “Let go of the distractions”
Those people you flirt with and excuse yourself saying you are not cheating as long as you don’t have sex with them, block them. Entertaining distractions reduces the effort you should be putting towards enriching your love life.
19. “Invest in new scents”
Buy a new perfume/cologne; introduce your lover to a new exciting scent that will invite your lover to unveil you and be around you.
20. “Let loose”
Stop being rigid, be open to change. Experiment, try new sex positions, talk the nice kind of dirty, tease, be playful, play out love scenes.