1. Know that anger is a normal and human emotion.
2. Know the temperament of your spouse and yourself. Are you or your spouse hot tempered, or slow to anger? This will equip you on how to better handle yourself and your spouse.
3. Do not get comfortable using curse words and insults; if you do, most likely you will use those hurtful words when you are angry. Decide that your tongue will be clean even when aggravated. It is so painful to have a spouse who tells you “F*ck you”, “Stupid”, “Whore”; such cursing and insults are hard to heal from when they are coming from your spouse.
4. When you or your spouse are angry, learn to keep quiet or walk away. Refrain from talking lest you say something hard to take back.
5. Even as you walk away, keep the channel of communication open. Don’t turn off your phone or run away with no way to reach you.
6. Never hurt your spouse because you feel hurt by spouse. Revenge leads to more mess, hurt and deterioration. Be the bigger person.
7. Resolve issues quickly. Sit down and have a candid talk no matter how painful it is.
8. Develop a culture of touch. Touching each other: A hug, a gentle rub on the hand or back, a hold at the waist; this warms up your loving spouse to you.
9. Pray. In the midst of your anger, pray. In the midst of your spouse’s anger, pray. Prayer moves people.
10. Play worship music. Worship God. A spirit that loves God will be calmed down in an environment of worship.
11. Remember the bigger picture. When you are angry, it is easy to focus on the current emotion; but don’t forget just how far you and your spouse have come from. Don’t throw away a love so good out of a moment of anger.
12. Double, triple check the decisions you make when angry. In fact, refrain from making decisions when anger. Angry decisions often lead to regret.
13. Go out of your way to please your spouse. Do a gesture to your spouse that shows care and affection; cook, serve your spouse, give your spouse a gift, do the chores, leave a loving note for your spouse.
14. In the moment of anger, tell your spouse “I love you”, even if your spouse will not say it back. At that moment, alot of assurance is needed. Love is not based on feelings but your commitment and truth.
15. Find it in you to forgive and to ask for forgiveness, be easy to love. The sooner you do so, the better life will be.
16. Keep off throwing things or becoming physically violent. Mature people don’t cause physical harm.
17. No matter what, sleep in the same bedroom and on the same bed. No going to sleep on the sofa or different rooms. When you two get used to isolation from each other, you will drift apart. Have a “I am not going anywhere so we have to work things out” attitude.