How to boost your sexiness and self-esteem in the bedroom

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By Leandie Buys
There are as many different body shapes in this world as there are people …

Every woman’s body is unique, and women need to learn to appreciate and ‘love the skin they’re in’.

Learning to love your body boosts self-esteem, and a good self-image is a very attractive trait. It also gives you confidence in the bedroom, and allows you to fully express yourself without being afraid of being criticized.

Here are some exercises from “Love Skills” by Linda De Villers (2002) which I use in therapy to help women boost their self-esteem:

*Collect pictures of people you find sexy who represent your particular body type, as well as your own heritage and ethnicity.

*Post these pictures in a conspicuous place in your bedroom, on your wardrobe door, or in your bathroom.

*Look at them once each day to deepen the realization of the similarities between them and yourself.

*As you drive to work, walk down the street or stand in lines, take notice of attractive people you see who share your body type. You will be surprised how many there are.

*Look at yourself in the mirror. Try to focus on the parts of your body or demeanor that are similar to theirs.

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Discover your sexiest areas

Contrary to what the porn industry (and popular music videos) like to portray, sexiness is not just about ‘boobs and booties’. Ask any man, and he will have a few areas of a woman’s body that he finds particularly attractive.

As women, we need to find out what our partners think are the sexiest areas of our bodies. Research has shown that women often rate their bodies very differently (and much lower) than their partners/lovers.

Some even find that the physical features they are least happy with are the ones that their partners find most attractive.

Fact-finding

The following exercises from “Love Skills” by Linda De Villers (2002) will help you get a more balanced view of your body and what your lover may find appealing.

*Ask your partner to tell you candidly what they find most attractive about your body.

*Make a list of the responses.

*Examine yourself in a mirror and try to see what it is they see when they look at you. Be objective – look through their eyes, not yours.

*If you feel comfortable, ask your lover to look at you while you stand naked in front of the mirror. Get them to point out each sexy feature as they appreciate your body. Add those to the list.

*Try the same exercise wearing your favourite sexy lingerie and heels.

*Ask yourself what you have learned from this. Has it changed your perception of any aspect of your body, your attractiveness, allure?

*Read the list of responses every day at first, to remind yourself of your assets. Any time you begin to feel unattractive or unsure of your sexiness, mentally review all this positive feedback.

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