Why so many relationships/marriages don’t mature

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Why are you living a lie? Too many relationships and marriages are hurting, failing, disjointed, average or just surviving because of lack of honesty. You can be together and not really be one. You can be in it and not really be happy. You can be a couple and not really grow. Honesty determines the quality of the bond. Too many unions are stagnant because the partners are not…

1.”Honest about their expectations”

Before you even start dating or get married, are you both honest about your expectations? Is your lover clear about what you expect from him/her? Too many lovers hope their lover meets their expectations yet their lover is not aware of those expectations. Make it easy for your lover, make it clear how you want to be loved, treated and what your idea of love and marriage is.

2. “Honest about themselves”

Many are not truthful about who they really are, they date on a lie, marry on a lie, ever projecting a ‘more attractive’ side of them, eventually they get tired of pretending. Some don’t disclose they have a child/children out there.

3. “Honest about their past”

Too many hide about their past, scared that revealing their dark past will make them ‘unlovable’ and so they perpetuate a relationship/marriage in which they feel misunderstood or a stranger.

4. “Honest about their feelings”

If you like someone, tell them; if you love someone, tell them; if you can’t stop thinking about that person, if you miss that someone, if you want that someone, tell that someone. Many people are suppressing their true feelings, scared of rejection, being hurt or being taken for granted. But if you live by fear, you will never experience the depth of true love.

5. “Honest about their needs”

Some people can’t even tell their lover/spouse when they need help, they could be dying or breaking apart but they can’t call for help. They could need assistance financially, emotionally, they can need their lover/spouse to show up but they can’t ask. If you ask not, you receive not.

6. “Honest with each other”

Some people can’t tell their lover the truth when the truth is tough, they try to be socially and politically correct, making their relationship/marriage shallow. Why should it be so hard for you to be free with the one you call your lover?

7. “Honest about their struggles”

We all have struggles, and something we are fighting from time to time. Your lover ought to know about your battles, whether you are battling a disease, an addiction, an esteem problem, a family issue; don’t fight alone yet you have someone.

8. “Honest about their dreams”

Does your lover really know about your dreams, does your spouse really get what brings you fulfilment and your ambitions?

9. “Honest about their weaknesses and mistakes”

You are not perfect, don’t try to act like you are. Your lover should be able to know your weaknesses and either live with it or make you better. When you make a mistake, be honest and bring it to the open, cover ups choke closeness.

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10. “Honest about their spiritual life”

To many, having a Godly lover is a good thing, and so, many pretend to be Godly at first, only for their ungodly ways to show up in marriage. Be honest about where you are at with God, there can be no growth without honesty.

11. “Honest about their anger and disappointment”

Don’t hold your anger because you want to keep peace in your relationship/marriage. Don’t keep quiet about your disappointment because you are scared to rub off your lover the wrong way. Don’t pile up your cry, it will erupt and do damage one day. Your lover will fall short sometimes or offend you without wishing to. It is healthy to be angry, tell your lover when he/she offends you, it is OK to say when your lover does wrong, it makes your lover love you better; just make sure your correction is done out of love.

12. “Honest about their finances”

Some end up marrying a lie, an image their lover created. So many live the ‘fake it till you make it’ lifestyle. Many marry someone only to realize that spouse is deep in debt. Many go for dates trying to live up to an image. Some, are not honest about their financial transactions with their spouse leading to mistrust in marriage. Transparency is important.

13. “Honest about their stand”

Is your voice silenced in your relationship/marriage or are you free to say where you stand on issues?

14. “Honest about their vows”

There are some who say their wedding vows just as a formality. They say the right and mushy things on their wedding day but don’t really mean them. If they really meant their wedding vows, why is it so easy for them to be unfaithful and wreck the marriage they vowed to?

15. “Honest about their schedule and friends”

Many don’t introduce their lover to their friends, they keep their social life distant from their love life. This makes them lie to their lover about where they are and who they are with. Secrets breed problems.

16. “Honest about their emotions”

Are you emotionally connected with your lover? Are you real with your spouse? Are you honest about your emotions with your lover? Or do you find it easier to emotionally lean on an outsider? Is your lover your best friend?

17. “Honest about their sex-life”

Women fake their orgasms, men pretend to be sexually satisfied with their wife. This only leads to sexual frustration yet you should be enjoying sex. If your spouse is not sexing you well, say what you want. If you want to do fantasies and different positions and styles, speak out. Your spouse wants to please you. Be honest. Sexual frustrations often leads people to admire what is outside, get bored in bed or turn to pornography wishing things were different in the marriage. Help your spouse to love you good!

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Dayan Masinde

Dayan Masinde is a Nairobi based Kenyan artist specializing in Poetry, Fine Art, Portrait Art, Murals, Creative Writing, Music, Illustrations and Animation. He is often described as "The Artist Inspired by Love" because of his use of artistic expressions to inspire, celebrate and help understand the mystery of love. His poetry book "WHEN ANGELS MAKE LOVE" is available for purchase worldwide on amazon.

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