Relationship advice: Letting go of judgement

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By Anthony Rockliffe

It’s all about judgement: when you are full of beliefs about what is right and wrong, you tend to resist and reject or cling to and guard.

Nature does what nature does: it doesn’t judge in this way, it adapts and grows.

Because you are constantly battling what you don’t like, and trying to force into being what you do like you may end up with a pretty relationship, but it won’t be a growing one. Growth isn’t always pretty.

So have you ever wondered where your beliefs come from?

How do you know what you know? Once you start finding out, you will realise that your judgements have no place in your relationship.

Look at it this way: a belief is something you learned in the past, either from a personal experience, or someone else’s experience – and in most cases, those experiences did not involve your current partner.

The beautiful thing about nature is that it is blissfully free of judgement. That’s why, when it is left unhindered, it is so abundant. Put a human in the mix and it will look look pretty, but less abundant.

Judgements that you bring into your relationship have little or nothing to do with your current partner

So the judgements that you are bringing into your relationship have little or nothing to do with your current partner. It’s just like you being found guilty for someone else’s crime.

Another way of looking at judgement is that it forces the relationship into a direction that it probably doesn’t want to go, so its growth is essentially stunted.

Judgements are easy to spot: “It has to be this way, I don’t like this or that, he should/he shouldn’t” – anything that deprives another of their personal freedom whilst seeking to increase your own.

Start thinking about how you know what you know, where it all comes from, and does it really have any place in your current relationship? Not if you want it to grow as nature intended.

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