The different types of women

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Women are as diverse as they come hence they all come in different packages-it’s no secret. I will therefore delve straight into the different types of women that we have in this world and how they are and/or behave in relationships or how they are in life generally. I may not tackle all of them but these are the most common ones.

The Nag – She does what she does best…nag! She is never satisfied with anything therefore will always complain about anything and everything. She pushes your buttons to the limit everyday and sometimes it interests her to see you get to the boiling point. Sometimes she’s just bored and is looking for a fight for some fun.

Miss snoop – This one has trust issues. She has probably been cheated on one too many times or she has seen other people in her life practice snooparazzi! She will check your phone every now and then. Smell your clothes before cleaning them. She is often jealous and will snoop all over. She has the guts to even befriend your colleagues so that she can always know what you are up to.

Motherly mama – This is probably the sweetest person you will ever meet. She is so kind, so selfless and will definitely take care of you. She probably prefers to be a housewife later as she loves taking care of her children and husband. She wants to be involved in every step of her children’s lives. In most cases she has upwards of 4 children because she has all the time in the world in her hands.

Miss Frugal – This lady is afraid of eating life with a big spoon. Instead, just the normal spoon will do just fine. She prefers to deny herself life’s little luxuries and would rather save up most of what she can for the future. Manicures and pedicures are a waste of cash and she will buy everything second hand because of their affordable price tags. She would rather live in a shanty because it’s cheaper. Milk and meat she can do without, apart from maybe when she is craving it. Pizza, KFC…let’s not even go there.

Promiscuous girl– This one dates several men all at one go. Every man she dates has his own benefits and she knows who to go to if she needs something that she knows so and so can provide. She knows which one of her boyfriends will provide what.

Miss Boss lady – This one wants to be the boss of everything and everyone. Miss boss wants to dictate everything, even the relationship. Everything has to be done her way. She is the type that will give ultimatums all through. “You will either do this and that or we are over!”…is a very common phrase in her vocabulary. As her guy, you have to be constantly be on your toes when it comes to handling her or else you will constantly be in the dog house. She is probably daddy’s girl and is therefore used to everything being handed to her on a silver platter.

The tomboy– It is very easy to get along with this girl. She is very simple and doesn’t ask for much. Give her a baseball hat and you are set because she doesn’t have the time to go waste time at the salon doing her hair. She probably bites her nails, doesn’t need 10 pairs of shoes and can handle watching sports the whole day with you and the boys and she won’t bug you. The only problem is that she is so boyish that if you expect home cooked meals…let’s just say it’s easier growing a beard. Your relationship will go great but later it will feel like she is one of your boys and it might bother you later that she will never bother to get dolled up, even on your wedding day.

The Hood rat – This chic has been all over the hood and with every guy. Her character and dressing are wanting. Those short shorts and fish nets stockings and tops she wears daily don’t leave much to the imagination. She doesn’t care about what anybody says about her. She has probably had a pretty hard knock life and probably doesn’t care anymore because she has seen a lot in her life.

Judgmental Judy – She will judge your everything! Nothing is ever good enough for her. Will even look up your ex girlfriend and ask you whether you were drunk the entire relationship because she’s not good enough for you. According to her, she’s the real deal. She judges other girls unfairly. She’s the one who’ll be heard criticizing other women as they pass by. In her eyes, everyone is just wrong hence everything she does is supposed to be the right thing. Truth is she is the one with all the insecurities in the world.

Career woman – She is married to her work. She doesn’t take failing at anything lightly. All she cares about is going up the social ladder and doesn’t care whose feelings she hurts on her way up there. She won’t give the relationship her all as she has other important things to deal with. She will probably have one child or none at all. And if at all the former, that one child is adopted. She doesn’t have the time to go on maternity leave- that’s just a waste of precious time.

The crier – This one was born to cry. She is so soft and cries about everything. Every little thing makes her cry. If you came home 10 minutes late, you will probably find her crying already because she doesn’t know where you are. She is very emotional. You wonder how she made it to where she is because she is too fragile for life. Her ideal gift would be a bunch of tissues and handkerchiefs.

The wannabe – This one copies everything blindly. She is the kind of girl who will do everything Tyra Banks says. Tyra’s mouth is her bible. She copies trends and never wants to be left behind. She wants everything her friends have even if she can’t afford it. She will do everything she can to get what she wants.

Miss Goodie-two-shoes – She goes to church, is probably a virgin. Has never touched alcohol in her life and is always concerned about doing good in the eyes of everyone…especially her folks. Her entire life is pre-arranged and she wants to get married by the age of 25 and have two children (a boy and a girl) by 28. She is very family oriented.

Party animal – This girl wants to party until she drops. She is always all over the place whether she’s broke or not. Party is her middle name. You can always be sure to run into her in the clubs from Friday to Sunday. The mention of a party will always liven up her moods.

Miss Independent– She likes being her own boss and therefore never wants to be answerable to anyone. She takes care of herself. Pays her own rent, buy her own super car. The upside is that you never have to constantly buy her stuff because she has her own money and works hard to earn it. The downside is that your entire relationship will be marked with territories…this is mine, this is yours… and you will never be certain about the future together because one day she might just walk off on you because she can. She doesn’t take crap from anyone.

The boyfriend girl– This lady can never survive without a man. At any point in her life, she has to have a boyfriend. Meaning, she never has time to look at herself and reflect on her life. Life is meaningless to her if she is single hence she will jump at any guy. Any guy who asks her out, she is game. She doesn’t even get time to know the guys she dates hence her relationships never work out and the men end up treating her badly and misusing her.

Miss Gold digger – In case you are a broke man, don’t even dare come within 10 feet of this woman because she will not even dare look at you. She always looks nice and keeps up with the fashion trends. She shops at the most expensive stores and does her hair well, her manicure is always on point…this is just to show you that there’s an invisible warning sign on her forehead that says “no broke guys allowed”. You will cough up upwards of ksh 15k on a normal date. So be ready with your heavy wallet or make sure your plastic is well loaded.

The Go-getter – This woman is a go getter and sometimes not in a good way. She will mark the man she wants for herself. Go to him and make the moves on him. She will then be all over him like white on rice and insist on doing everything. She makes plans for him, and taking care of his calendar. She will arrange dates, foot the bills and end up treating the guy like a girl because he wasn’t even interested in the first place.

Country girl– She recently came from shags to probably attend college then stayed. Often, she comes off as clumsy or messy and she is too eager to try and keep up. She tries too hard though…what with her dressing and red lipstick and bad perfume? She’s very nice though but she wants to do everything including experimenting with alcohol, ciggies and everything that other people deem as cool.

Ghetto girl– She will fight for everything. Her siblings, her man… She is always ready to use her fists. The only language she speaks is “fist meets face”. She has probably had a hard knock life and has had to fight for everything including a decent meal all her life.

Miss Groupie – You will find her at all the most happening spots in town and events hunting for that rich and famous guy. She doesn’t care whether you are married or not, just as long as you are famous and she will probably try to get in your circle of friends so that it can be said that she’s with it!

Holy Jane– Church is her everything! She always needs to consult everything with the church. Including whether to date a certain person or not. She has never worn trousers in her life; as she is afraid they are not appropriate wear hence her wardrobe is simple and never changes. Long skirts are her thing. She is a very nice girl though and deserves her equal…Holy Joe.

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  • Occhii

    how about a hybrid of Motherly Mama and go-getter

  • Anonymous

    Pahahahaha! I have dated all these women except Holy Jane…once again your article is so on point…

  • I like i like it.My Ribs are aching so much.Ul pay for this.Hehehehe.

  • Anonymous

    Legal disclaimer on behalf of my client:
    Some souls may be unfortunate enough to be confronted by rather unpleasant hybrids of the above described characters. My client, Ms. L. Ife, shall not bear any responsibility for such occurrence.

  • Waruingi Patrick

    Keep it up girl, but write more on the femme fatalle woman,  Highly intelligent attractive and ultimately dangerous, Kudos.

  • Cee

    Ha ha ha..very funny! i clearly know what i am and what all my gals are..very well put!

  • Pattie

    i believe you can have two traits cause wawa i see me in 2 places……

  • Mama

    imagine the hoodrat on her wedding day,this may go two ways,either she’ll get dolled up and look preety gorgeous or she’ll appear in sports shoes and a hooded jacket!nice article.

  • hellen

    haha…Miss Frugal

  • Patriot

    You will find at least 6 of these traits in every Kenyan woman

  • Shish Maria

    miss frugal independent……dats me

    • wanja

      dats me too

  • mimi

    ai i am nowhere on this list

  • Muriuki Baru

    who the comes up with this lists? I should write one titled ‘different kinds of columnists’

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