Last week I promised the guys I would help them out with tips on choosing the right woman to date. Easier said than done! I had to do lots of research. And I’m sure I’ll make many ladies mad with this one. But it’s only fair, right?

Men and women have totally different thought patterns when it comes to choosing a mate. For men, they are not always in the market for a long term relationship. Sometimes they just want to “hang out” and we all know what that means. Anyway, here are a few tips for the gentlemen. And ladies, I’m sorry if I’m breaking a code by divulging this information. They asked for it in good faith.

Gentlemen, the first one you should avoid is the woman whose role model is your Shadow. She’s aware of your every move and can’t do anything without your presence. She likes everything you like, attaches herself to your friends leaving hers behind, calls you 10 times a day backed up by text messages, says “I love you” after each and every phone call. If you think about it, she kind of creeps you out! A women that relies on you to fill every aspect of her life should spell a worrying signal to any man that values some level of independence and space. Get out while you can!

You should also watch out for the Gold Digger. This should not be too hard since there are songs and movies about her. A few of them are upfront about their gold digging ways. Take Lisa Raye for example. She recently said, “People think that I’m a gold digger. I’m digging for platinum. I can’t do nothing with a Burger King man unless he own about 20 or 30 of them.” However, there are the sneaky ones who wait for you to put a ring on it to show their true colours. You can beat them by being on the lookout for signs. She never thinks to open up her wallet on a date. When holidays come around, you’d better have something expensive to present. 9 times out of 10 she doesn’t have a job and has no plans of getting one. If a woman has no motivation to support herself, odds are her goal is to be supported. So either accept that your wallet has two decision makers, or get her out of your life!

Stay away from the Drama Queen. She’s usually very nice in the beginning. She’ll tell you everything that goes on in her life. At first you’ll think that you’re bonding and sharing your lives. Then you start to realize that she has issues with just about everyone in her life but you. Her mother is too controlling. Her best friend is too nosy. Her landlord is not understanding. Her cat is not obedient enough. Your friend ‘looked at her funny’. Her boss is too demanding. Her 6th grade teacher didn’t like her. The waiter was not attentive. Just run because very soon, your name will be on the list with a very unflattering description.

Miss Dizzy is another one to look out for. She’s usually very pretty…yeah, that’s about it. Very good to look at. But you better do the looking while you’re just the two of you. She’s a nightmare in front of your friends. She’s the one who’s most likely to think that Ban Ki Moon is a cartoon character. Deal with her at your own risk… I’ve heard stupidity is contagious.

Then there is Miss Psycho. She’s usually…well, psycho. She seems to be OK at first, but the first time you get her naked you find out her body is covered with self-inflicted scars. Clinically depressed, suicidal, physically/mentally abused, obsessive/compulsive, passive/aggressive, and bipolar people need love too, but they also need professional help and often refuse to get it. Don’t let this one catch you off guard. It’s okay to want to help them out. But you can’t also be in a relationship with them at the same time. My advice is to give them time to sort themselves out.

Now I know I’ll catch hell for this one but please avoid Miss Religious. There’s nothing wrong with being religious. However, only go for this one if you’re on the same level ’spiritually’. If you choose to ignore this, please be prepared to listen to sermons about how you need to turn your life around because you’re the devil’s tool. Hanging out with the boys? Forget it. They are just helping you along on your way to hell. Stick around long enough and you’ll find yourself jumping around with strangers around a dead body, all in the name of resurrection. We’ll be sitting at home watching the news and wondering what the hell happened to you.

I’ve given you 6 women to avoid. That should be enough to start you off. The best type of woman to go for is the cool girl or the ’stable girl’. I’m on about a woman who has all her shit together. No problems, no underlying issues that create weird mannerisms. A simple, sweet woman with high ambitions, who knows what she wants in life and is out to get it while enjoying as much of life as possible.

Happy hunting!

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